You’ve heard it before, but you’ve probably just ended up scratching your head with this one. So what exactly is “Guy Code”? According to (the very insightful) itsguycode.com, the term Guy Code refers to “the instinctive behaviours of man having to do with everything that encompasses his earthly world in the matters of accountability, rationality, ambition, decision making, enlightenment, fore sight, pleasure etc.”
There are, ahem, 69 rules in the Guy Code Guidelines. Here are just a few of the ones that we thought might put to rest some of those common misunderstanding we have about men and their “bros:”
1) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines the pit stops, not the weakest.
Well at least now all women will understand why he gets so frustrated when we need to stop 14 times to “grab a Timmy’s”.
2) No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
Wait, we’re sorry, but when did they start buying birthday presents for us?
3) The only time ditching a buddy for a girl is acceptable, is when the girl ranks 8 or above on the 1-10 scale.
Ha, chances are probably pretty good we don’t want anything to do with you OR your buddy. So feel free to stick right there with him champ.
4) A hug between men must always start with a handshake and can at no point become a two-arm embrace, unless you are a veteran.
You boys can hug however you like. If doing the whole one-arm hug thing means that you save more two-armed ones for us, we’ll take it.
5) When questioned by a friend’s girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.
In fairness, this one was a little obvious. We’d clearly never come to you if we thought our boyfriend (your buddy) was cheating on us. Instead we’d get our hottest friend to take you out, get your drunk, and then do all kinds of weird and wonderful things to you that make perfect blackmail.
6) An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances will anything be celebrated in an interval other than a year.
We’re confused, do boys have “friendship anniversaries” that we don’t know about? Or is this referring to how many nights he is “allowed” to spend out with his buddies due to prior commitments with us? Either way this one weirds us out.
7) Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.
For real? Can a male please clarify for us if this is for real?! All these years we’ve been trying to figure out where your inability to communicate comes from and all this time it has been right there? Ugh.
8) It is not okay to dance with dudes.
We agree. Moving on.
9) No man will ever publicly admit to his friends about watching a movie where the main theme is dancing, but what brothers don’t know won’t hurt them.
Um, if you honestly think that we WANT you to admit that we took you to see Step Up: Pt 14 (and you enjoyed it) then you guys definitely aren’t nearly as insightful as we thought. To be honest, chances are pretty good we’re probably laughing to our girlfriends right now about how you foot-tapped through the entire thing.
10) A man’s shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body unless you are in sexual conquest mode.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. Wanna know a secret guys? We will only ever check out your shoes to make sure you actually have decent ones on. Once we get past that, if we then realize that they match your outfit we are, nine times out of ten, going to assume you are probably gay. And you guys wonder why you can’t get laid?
11) Never eat another man’s French fries or tater tots ever.
So this is why your face goes all red and squishy when we eat from your plate¦
12) If someone keeps buying you drinks you must keep drinking.
Well this explains a lot. In particular why you sometimes smell like a distillery when you come home from “one beer with the guys”.
13) Unless he slept with your girlfriend or murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.
Okay, wait, we’re sorry, but you’d still consider someone your “friend” after that? Wow. We REALLY don’t get you guys.