There’s quite a bit truth to the belief that the longevity, quality and stability of your relationship can easily be determined by how you fight. And more importantly, how you resolve disputed issues between the two of you. It’s normal to disagree and not see eye to eye occasionally – it happens in even the best of relationships. With that in mind, we’ve collected a few rules to follow to ensure the fights stay clean and fair:
There is no winning:
Throw out the notion that one party needs to come out ˜winning.’ That usually results in the other person ˜losing’ and that shouldn’t be the point. Go into a disagreement looking to resolve the issue rather than competing for who is right and who is wrong.
Don’t let it disintegrate:
No, you don’t need to name call, insult or launch into full on character assassination. If you feel like the fight is getting heated, take a break. It’s better to remove yourself from a situation so you avoid saying things you will live to regret.
Before you say anything, be honest with yourself about what’s bothering you. Are you being clear and have you sifted through your feelings (which can be blinding), to get to the real issue at hand?
A fight is private:
That does not mean you need an audience or the input of your best friend. Make sure you hash things out when you are both alone and have some privacy. There is nothing worse then sitting in a restaurant only to overhear the couple next to you bickering.
One issue at a time:
A fight is not an open field day. And it’s definitely not an excuse to bring up every grip you have carried with you over the last five years. Keep it to one issue at a time to ensure the conversation doesn’t get mangled.
Limit the time:
Yes. Fights should have time limits. It’s not an excuse to keep your significant other up until all hours of the morning. Agree upon a set time and stick to it. Both of you will work to resolve the problem quickly if you know there is an end time.