Hey guys. Ever have one of those days where one side of your body hurts, you're bloated, you're slightly emotional, and you want nothing more but to wear red and/or pink? We all have ladies (laaaaaaadiiieeeesss!) because according to a study published in Psychological Science, those are all signs that we're — drum roll — ovulating.
Crazy, isn't it? I mean, you may have lost your mind over not being able to find a red or a pink blouse this morning, and then likely spent the rest of your day in sorrow, completely confused as to why you were plagued with the overwhelming feeling that you had not only failed your own ovulation, but womankind as a whole. But fret not: are you fashionable today? More so than any other day? Well, that's another sign! Women who are ovulating also dress better, too.
Fortunately, I (along with the ovulation experts in Psychological Science) have the answers as to why:
We want to attract the mens
Well, I mean, duh. Obviously. Isn't that why we're all here? Didn't our ancestors and those ancestors and the ones before that specifically pick out their most fashionable pelts before gathering in hopes of bagging a man of their own? Didn't the pioneers gravitate towards these "feminine" colours while battling locusts and building houses out of straw in hopes that their husbands would impregnate them despite not having enough food or coal for themselves let alone an additional child? Yes. All of it is, I guess, because this was the study of our brains, you guys. And every woman thinks alike.
So here's how the story breaks down:
It began with a series of studies that proved men were more attracted to women wearing red than women wearing any other colour. This has something to do with the "sex flush" that can appear during arousal, scientists believe, so with that being known, men — apparently — have been conditioned over many years to be more attracted to women who wear red, or have red accessories, or know the words to "Lady In Red" by Chris DeBurgh. And while that third point hasn't actually been proven, as far as I'm concerned, a gent would have to be insane not to love a lady who could croon DeBurgh.
Meanwhile, because of this finding, the following was reported:
"In light of several studies showing that men find women wearing red sexier, it was theorized that ovulating women would be more likely to report wearing red and/or pink clothes than women at any other stage in the menstrual cycle." So, in order to test this, 124 women took an online survey in which they recorded what colour shirt they were wearing, and the number of days since their last period. Surprise, surprise: women who were ovulating tended to wear red or pink — 40% to be exact.
I mean, it doesn't matter that women who were on the pill weren't asked to participate, right? And it doesn't matter that the term "fashionable" is entirely subjective, either. And were these women all on a 28-day cycle? Who knows! They weren't asked. But it doesn't matter, you guys: WE WEAR PINK AND RED BECAUSE WE WANT TO LURE IN THE MALES. Because we know the males like the pink and the red. Because I was the only other person in the world who was surprised to find out guys really cared about colour clothes. (Honestly, I thought most guys had a thing for black dresses, but what do I know?)
So the next time you see yourself reaching for a red or pink top, ask yourself this: is it Valentine's Day? No? Well then you are probably ovulating. Especially if you are already a fashionable person, and you have subconsioucly been longing for the male gaze. No matter that it's a new shirt, or that either are your favourite colour, or that you haven't done laundry in three weeks, and that's the cleanest piece you own. You know the words to "Lady In Red," and you're about to prove it to the world.
As far as a study is concerned, anyway.
