“Please God, make it end. Please make this suffering go away.” We’ve all said it to ourselves on at least one occasion during an absolutely atrocious date. You know, the one where you sit there picturing yourself having a root canal while he talks and suddenly tortuous dental work doesn’t seem so bad.
But how do you get out of these awful scenes without ending up looking or sounding like a total b****? Like this, my dear. Just like this¦
1. Have a friend on-call
Literally. Have a friend who will call you 30-minutes into the date. If it is going well, you ignore the call. If it is going bad, you insist you “absolutely MUST” take this call. Roll out your “emergency” plan, where you (in a hurried frenzy) explain that you “simply cannot stay another second”. And poof! You’re gone.
2. There’s an App for this
Sometimes you just can’t trust your friends to remember to save your behind. And thus, once again, you’ll have to let the App Store do it for you. Check out apps such as Fake ‘Em Out or Fake A Call which set up fake calls, text messages, and alerts that will allow you to have the most legitimate looking fake date exit, ever.
The three topics that will always end a date in a flash — religion, politics, marriage.
4. Go for the ex-factor
If the three former suggestion don’t work, start talking about your ex. Incessantly. Like non-stop. Bonus points if you can make yourself cry. Your date will be out the door faster than you can say “cheque please!”
5. Fake an illness
What’s that? You suddenly feel weak¦.woozy¦.nauseous? Must have been that dodgy Thai food you had for lunch. You should probably go home and sleep it off. Before things get ugly(er). But you’ll call and reschedule¦as soon as you feel better¦you swear.
6. Get blindingly drunk
Actually don’t, that just spells disaster. But pretend to. Order one drink and pretend to be a REALLY cheap drunk. Start acting a little silly about half way through the drink, letting your date know that you “don’t really drink, like, ever” and by the time you finish your cocktail, you can be so inebriated that you “suddenly don’t feel so good¦”
7. Be honest
Sometimes honesty really is the best policy. If it is clear and obvious that neither of you is really feeling the connection, it is okay to gently suggest that you two call it a night and let them know that “it was great to meet you¦” Usually even without the additional “but¦” the other person will get the picture.