You’ve been betrayed by your friend. Yes, those are two words you never want to hear together: betrayed and friend, but unfortunately it has happened to the best of us and as ladies we know that when you betray us, the friendship is broken and the idea of trust immediately goes out the door. But there’s no need to cut your ties to your friend or BFF immediately, especially if you can rebuild the relationship. Whether you’ve been friends for 6 months or 6 years, here are some ways to help you learn to trust again – without all the frenemy drama.
Take some space apart from each other
Everyone needs space now and then and one way to get to the stages of forgiveness is to just take some time apart from another. Don’t call it a break (unless that’s what you want) – instead just focus on yourself for a week or so to collect your thoughts and cool down from the situation. During this time, don’t text, tweet or Facebook about what happened to anyone – you don’t need to add more flames to the fire with any “she says” or “he heard” drama. Keeping it private will help both of you slowly start to regain trust in one another.
Talk it out woman-o on woman-o
Although this point would have a better effect if I could actually say it out loud with the emphasis (just picture it), you get the idea. In order to deal with the problem at hand you need to talk out all the details – no beating around the bush. Did she get you mad? Tell her. Are you tired of how she talks about you behind your back? Tell her. Hate the fact that she started dated your ex after you broke up? Well, you know the answer. The point is to lay everything out on the table, good or bad and discuss it maturely and while you’re not looking for an immediate solution, opening up about everything will ease the stress and tensions.
Assess the worth of the friendship
Use the trusty pro and con idea, which I have used countlessly since grade 7, to list the great and bad things about your former-in-waiting partner in crime. If the pros outweigh the cons or vice versa, or if you can list way more cons that fill up two pages – front and back – then maybe you need to reconsider if this is a healthy friendship.
Get back to basics
Remember when you used to go the mall for an entire day with your best friend and not worry about a single thing? Time to put things in rewind and go back those good ol’ days. One of the best ways to trust someone after they hurt you is to do the things you enjoy doing together. Of course, it won’t change what happen, but you’ll get a chance to see that your friend is still the same friend, even if they pushed your buttons and you will learn to focus more on the positive things of the friendship, not the one-time fight, which you’ve already forgotten what it’s about.
I’m allowed (I hope so) to come out right and say it: women know how to hold a grudge for a very long time. Some of us just get so hung up about how we got hurt that we forget about what the fight was about (read above). Well, time to move on. Just move on. No arguing, no over dramatic outbursts – okay, maybe one, but after that, seriously, MOVE ON. If you want your foe to be a friend you need to let the past be the past and realize trusting again may take time, but it will happen only if you focus on changing the present.