Dating a Dad – is it a Do or a Don’t?

Although it can be difficult to admit in this kid-obsessed world, few girls dream of meeting a Prince Charming who already has a couple little princes and princesses in tow. But these days, it’s not so unusual to find yourself falling for someone who’s already a parent.

In the end, it’s an individual decision that no one else can make for you. Dating a dad requires a level of maturity and patience that not all of us are able to muster up for a new boyfriend. On the other hand, if you really love the man, you may find that the fact that he has a family holds some sweet surprises along the way. Take a look at some of the pros and cons you might want to consider before getting involved with a parent.

Don’t date a dad…

If you need to be #1.

No matter how strongly he feels for you, his kids will always come first. We don’t mean you have to settle for a man who doesn’t show you affection or take you out, but there are certain practical issues that even the most romantic dad will have to deal with on a regular basis. Kids mean school, doctor’s trips, and hiring babysitters, even at the most inconvenient times.  

If you can’t handle the ex-factor.

Think dealing with your last boyfriend’s smokin’ hot ex-girlfriend was bad enough? If your new man’s ex is the mother of his children, he is permanently linked to her, and that means you are too “ no matter how crazy or interfering or unfriendly she is.  And don’t even think about trying any demands about limiting communication between them “ any remnants of jealousy you’re holding on to will have to go out the window.

If you’re not sure how much you like him.

Ok, so what if the kids aren’t the problem? What if they’re the cutest things that the playground has ever seen and they adore you “ and worse “ you adore them, but you find your feelings waning for the man in the picture? Kids bring breakups to a whole new level, even when they aren’t yours.

Do date a dad…

If you’re thinking long-term.

If you want children of your own some day, seeing your man interact with his kids lets you get a glimpse into your future with him. If you can see that he’s a good father, you already know more or less what life would be like if you took the plunge with him. Plus, unlike some other men, the walls are down when it comes to bringing up the question of more kids in the future.

If you can take it in stride.

Although a man with children takes your romance off the fairy-tale path, sometimes it’s worth getting a bit of a reality check. More than anything, children are a living, breathing reminder that this man had a meaningful past with someone other than you. Let’s face it though “ most men have a past, but you just don’t usually know about it in such a concrete way.

If you think it’s true love.

Dating a man with kids is definitely a challenge, but what if your relationship is worth it? In the end, taking the risk could pay off big time, for everyone. 

Sympatico Image

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Tags: children, Dating, dating a dad, divorce, father, kids, new relationship, parent, Relationships

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Comments

  1. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Kids come first?? That makes no sense. I married a man with a kid, and the kid definitely doesn’t come first. Our marriage comes first. My husband is my number one priority and I am his. There’s no other way to make a marriage work. I would never have chosen to marry a man with a child, but I would also never let his past mistakes or exgirlfriend prevent him from being happy and finding true love. Bottom line, your spouse comes first, then kids. If you’re a single parent and your kids are always gonna be your number one, you’re always gonna be alone and wondering why yet another relationship has failed. Your kids will benefit from a stable, happy parent, so do yourself a favor and do what’s best for YOU. Peace xx
  2. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I am dating a single father. He is 32, been divorced for three years and has three children. He’s smart, handsome, fun, sexy, laughs a lot and is very artistic as well as wildly successful. His ex-wife walked out on him and his children, they are now more settled and she sees the kids every weekend. He pays no child support or anything to her. I have yet to meet his children formally but they all three have painted me pictures of owls (which I love) and I have hung them in my office. He says it’s so endearing that I would do so. The thing about it is, I never thought I wanted to get married or have a family. Now I want to be married and the thought of myself being pregnant scares me greatly. I have no desire to have my own child, no desire to be pregnant, or push something out of my vagina. Not to mention I have a lot of issues with my reproductive system and the likely hood that I would ever be able to have a child is non-existent. In my last relationship, he and his family, did not know that I have had one of my ovaries removed and the other did not work proper. His mother and grandmother would always talk about when I would be ready to have children and get married. I was frightened, scared. I couldn’t have children. What if I date a man with no kids or ex and we get married and he wants a child of our own, one between he and I and I will not be able to do it? It has been advised that even if I were to ever be pregnant it would be very difficult and potentially life threatening. The thing is, with Chad, he has children. Beautiful children, and while I am not their mother nor will I ever be he already has that so there is no pressure for me to give it to him. There is no longing of, I want a baby with her. There would be no resentment. He has said he loves his children but sometimes wishes that they were with me and not his ex. I kind of understand but I am glad he is able to have them because I could never give them to him, or it would be very difficult. I like the thought of an already made family. I will be part of it, his whole family really likes me and I really love him. I am willing to handle the situation because I love Chad, his children are not baggage but only an extension of him. I care for all parts of him.
    I think dating, when you love and care for someone you accept them. All the good and bad, and their bad usually isn’t even bad. While I understand that children come first, so should your happiness as an adult and person. If you are not able to have any other relationship besides the rocky one with your ex, then how would you children ever see what a happy loving relationship really looks like? It is important for all of us to be the best us possible, even more so when there are children involved. Parents are children’s first role models, your success in all things can alter their success.
  3. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Fran I happened to come across your post and it sounds exactly what I have written on other sites. I am 41, and childless and am not open to men with children. I like kids but like you’ve mentioned there is so much to dating dads. In the past I dated a few dads and they couldn’t afford to take me out to dinner or to nice dates, I had to accept Chuck E Cheese and bargain movies not to mention no gifts. This seems like no big deal but I’m used to my childless boyfriends who showered me with things that I can’t slum. Plus I am open to kids (natural or adoption)and don’t want them to compete. I’m also a devout Catholic. Most importantly I don’t want the drama or the financial issues and every dad I dated had these issues. On dating sites I stated I was not open to dads and still mostly got. I’m trying a religious site and even there are still getting several dads but also childless men so I’m hoping that helps. Why guys still respond though I clearly state no dads I’ll never know.
  4. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Kids come first?? That makes no sense. I married a man with a kid, and the kid definitely doesn’t come first. Our marriage comes first. My husband is my number one priority and I am his. There’s no other way to make a marriage work. I would never have chosen to marry a man with a child, but I would also never let his past mistakes or exgirlfriend prevent him from being happy and finding true love. Bottom line, your spouse comes first, then kids. If you’re a single parent and your kids are always gonna be your number one, you’re always gonna be alone and wondering why yet another relationship has failed. Your kids will benefit from a stable, happy parent, so do yourself a favor and do what’s best for YOU. Peace xx
  5. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I am dating a single father. He is 32, been divorced for three years and has three children. He’s smart, handsome, fun, sexy, laughs a lot and is very artistic as well as wildly successful. His ex-wife walked out on him and his children, they are now more settled and she sees the kids every weekend. He pays no child support or anything to her. I have yet to meet his children formally but they all three have painted me pictures of owls (which I love) and I have hung them in my office. He says it’s so endearing that I would do so. The thing about it is, I never thought I wanted to get married or have a family. Now I want to be married and the thought of myself being pregnant scares me greatly. I have no desire to have my own child, no desire to be pregnant, or push something out of my vagina. Not to mention I have a lot of issues with my reproductive system and the likely hood that I would ever be able to have a child is non-existent. In my last relationship, he and his family, did not know that I have had one of my ovaries removed and the other did not work proper. His mother and grandmother would always talk about when I would be ready to have children and get married. I was frightened, scared. I couldn’t have children. What if I date a man with no kids or ex and we get married and he wants a child of our own, one between he and I and I will not be able to do it? It has been advised that even if I were to ever be pregnant it would be very difficult and potentially life threatening. The thing is, with Chad, he has children. Beautiful children, and while I am not their mother nor will I ever be he already has that so there is no pressure for me to give it to him. There is no longing of, I want a baby with her. There would be no resentment. He has said he loves his children but sometimes wishes that they were with me and not his ex. I kind of understand but I am glad he is able to have them because I could never give them to him, or it would be very difficult. I like the thought of an already made family. I will be part of it, his whole family really likes me and I really love him. I am willing to handle the situation because I love Chad, his children are not baggage but only an extension of him. I care for all parts of him.
    I think dating, when you love and care for someone you accept them. All the good and bad, and their bad usually isn’t even bad. While I understand that children come first, so should your happiness as an adult and person. If you are not able to have any other relationship besides the rocky one with your ex, then how would you children ever see what a happy loving relationship really looks like? It is important for all of us to be the best us possible, even more so when there are children involved. Parents are children’s first role models, your success in all things can alter their success.
  6. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Fran I happened to come across your post and it sounds exactly what I have written on other sites. I am 41, and childless and am not open to men with children. I like kids but like you’ve mentioned there is so much to dating dads. In the past I dated a few dads and they couldn’t afford to take me out to dinner or to nice dates, I had to accept Chuck E Cheese and bargain movies not to mention no gifts. This seems like no big deal but I’m used to my childless boyfriends who showered me with things that I can’t slum. Plus I am open to kids (natural or adoption)and don’t want them to compete. I’m also a devout Catholic. Most importantly I don’t want the drama or the financial issues and every dad I dated had these issues. On dating sites I stated I was not open to dads and still mostly got. I’m trying a religious site and even there are still getting several dads but also childless men so I’m hoping that helps. Why guys still respond though I clearly state no dads I’ll never know.
  7. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I would much rather be alone then deal with all of the problems and issues that come up with dating a single parent.
    SINGLE DADS SHOULD DATE SINGLE MOMS!!!
  8. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Hi, I am 43 and while there are less men who are single with no children there still are people without children I still think it is possible at any age to meet a man without children. The only sitatuation I would consider is he had an adult child. However, he better be financially secure because I expect to be in a will and if he cant take me out on dates then forget it. I dont want to be a parent or most especially step parent. It is incredibly selfish for a man or woman with kids to date someone without children. Everyone seems to want what is best for them and not consider what the other person wants. For instance, I get several responses from a dating site. I specifically put NOT KIDS and men still respond with kids.. Its obvious that all they are judging people based upon a photo. One man had 6 kids and attempted to contact me. Dont these people think? Why would a woman with no children want to date a man with 6 kids??
  9. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    No one wants to be second best. Kids come first. I did that and will never do it again. I felt like a babysister. Also, one time I had a wedding to go to the father had his sons ballgame around the same time. Guess what? He ended up going to the sons ballgame. I was left to go to the wedding alone. There are always more ballgames but there was only one wedding. It is incrediibly selfish of a single parent to want to date a woman or man without children. I have a male friend who has two kids. He was dating another female friend with two kids. THe male friend told the female friend that the reason he did not want to date her anylonger was because of her kids, He told her that he wants to find a single woman without kids. I basically told him that women without children do NOT want to date a man with children. It seems that he just wanted the best for himself and couldnt give a rats ass about the single woman with no children wanted.
  10. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I dated a single dad, and it was a great experience. He has since passed away, but the fact that he was a father, no make that the fact that he was a wonderful father, made me love him even more. Sure, it wasn’t always easy but he was worth it.
  11. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I would much rather be alone then deal with all of the problems and issues that come up with dating a single parent.
    SINGLE DADS SHOULD DATE SINGLE MOMS!!!
  12. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Hi, I am 43 and while there are less men who are single with no children there still are people without children I still think it is possible at any age to meet a man without children. The only sitatuation I would consider is he had an adult child. However, he better be financially secure because I expect to be in a will and if he cant take me out on dates then forget it. I dont want to be a parent or most especially step parent. It is incredibly selfish for a man or woman with kids to date someone without children. Everyone seems to want what is best for them and not consider what the other person wants. For instance, I get several responses from a dating site. I specifically put NOT KIDS and men still respond with kids.. Its obvious that all they are judging people based upon a photo. One man had 6 kids and attempted to contact me. Dont these people think? Why would a woman with no children want to date a man with 6 kids??
  13. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    No one wants to be second best. Kids come first. I did that and will never do it again. I felt like a babysister. Also, one time I had a wedding to go to the father had his sons ballgame around the same time. Guess what? He ended up going to the sons ballgame. I was left to go to the wedding alone. There are always more ballgames but there was only one wedding. It is incrediibly selfish of a single parent to want to date a woman or man without children. I have a male friend who has two kids. He was dating another female friend with two kids. THe male friend told the female friend that the reason he did not want to date her anylonger was because of her kids, He told her that he wants to find a single woman without kids. I basically told him that women without children do NOT want to date a man with children. It seems that he just wanted the best for himself and couldnt give a rats ass about the single woman with no children wanted.
  14. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I dated a single dad, and it was a great experience. He has since passed away, but the fact that he was a father, no make that the fact that he was a wonderful father, made me love him even more. Sure, it wasn’t always easy but he was worth it.
  15. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Free advice: DO NOT date a single parent unless you’re near certain that you cannot attract someone who is childless. Dating a single parent is a nightmare for several reasons. In my experience the children will soon come to think of you as Daddy Two and Daddy One will often go out of his way to make your life miserable. Many a date will be canceled because Mommy cannot find a babysitter. Everything you do around the kiddies will be relayed to Daddy One and Mommy Dearest. Watch what you say and do around the video cameras with eyes. There is also the awkward feeling — if you do date a single mom or dad — of raising children who are not biologically yours. You feel like you are doing someone else’s job, which you are indeed doing. No, just walk away. Don’t do it for your sanity’s sake. Walk away. Better yet, run.
  16. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I would advise people to tread carefully, at first, when dating a single parent. Try not to let the kid find out until you’re both sure you’re meant to be. We didn’t tell my BF’s kid until 6 months had passed. Until then, it was a lot of sneaking kisses, staying quiet in the bedroom until she was gone for school, etc. I think she knew anyways, but my BF didn’t formally tell her until we knew we wanted to be committed.
  17. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Free advice: DO NOT date a single parent unless you’re near certain that you cannot attract someone who is childless. Dating a single parent is a nightmare for several reasons. In my experience the children will soon come to think of you as Daddy Two and Daddy One will often go out of his way to make your life miserable. Many a date will be canceled because Mommy cannot find a babysitter. Everything you do around the kiddies will be relayed to Daddy One and Mommy Dearest. Watch what you say and do around the video cameras with eyes. There is also the awkward feeling — if you do date a single mom or dad — of raising children who are not biologically yours. You feel like you are doing someone else’s job, which you are indeed doing. No, just walk away. Don’t do it for your sanity’s sake. Walk away. Better yet, run.
  18. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I would advise people to tread carefully, at first, when dating a single parent. Try not to let the kid find out until you’re both sure you’re meant to be. We didn’t tell my BF’s kid until 6 months had passed. Until then, it was a lot of sneaking kisses, staying quiet in the bedroom until she was gone for school, etc. I think she knew anyways, but my BF didn’t formally tell her until we knew we wanted to be committed.

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