If you’ve done any amount of dating, you’ve spent plenty of time talking about what you don’t want in a man and trading tales of first dates and worst dates. But while you’ve been busy skewering the men who failed to live up to your sky-high expectations, the truth is that you may have been throwing up a few red flags of your own.
Below, we help you identify whether your own personal brand of crazy just might be turning you from the girl he’s seeing to oh, THAT girl.
1. Dena Drunkface
Do you have an alter ego that comes out after one too many vodka tonics? Is she the kind of girl who churns out regrettable late-night texts, or ends up stumbling out of the bar with holes in her tights and mascara running down her cheeks?
If he took your charming self out for a first date and ended up with this piece of work, you can only imagine his disappointment. Pace yourself. No, the Pinot Grigio isn’t going to drink itself, but that doesn’t mean you need to throw it back like a Real Housewife.
2. Suzy Stalker
We get it, you like him. But you can’t like anybody enough to call him 44 times in one night and throw tree branches at his window until he wakes up to shoo you away like a stray cat. The ground rules of basic human communication indicate that there is rarely a need to call someone more than twice, and any phone calls after midnight had better mean a medical emergency. You don’t need to sit by your phone waiting for his calls, but if a dude wants to get in touch with you, he’ll get in touch.
And don’t think this only applies in real-life, either. At this point in time, most people you date will come with a rich and compelling Internet history, but excessive Internet stalking is like skipping right to the end of the e-book without bothering to get to know it first. Was that confusing? How about this: if your browser history indicates his Facebook profile is one of your most visited sites, and you’ve already pieced together who his last three ex-girlfriends are through his photo albums, you’re on notice.
3. Negative Nelly
Oh, what’s that? Everything is the worst? The barista got your coffee order wrong and your boss is such a jerk and your roommate is sooooo annoying and you don’t really get along that well with your mother and you’re pretty sure that the freckle on your leg is skin cancer?
Happy people are the best ones to know. Put your problems in perspective before unloading them on an unsuspecting man who thought he was your date, not your therapist.
4. Slutty Sally
We get it: you’re hot. He probably thought so, too, until you got on that stripper pole at the dive bar and flashed everyone your lady junk. Then there was the time you got so drunk you started grinding on the dance floor like it was MTV Spring Break 1999. Everyone loves a hot girl, until you start acting like you’re about to bone all of his friends.
5. Emotional Emily
Are you crying AGAIN? Oh my God, get it together.
6. Trainwreck Tina
Tina, Tina, Tina. Dating you is a formidable task for any man. If there were a Lifetime Achievement Award given for bad decisions, you’d win it. Whether it’s your questionable friendships with unsavory characters (how many DJs can a girl really know?), your unsound financial status (leaving your purse in the Taxi…again) or your inability to take personal responsibility for your life (totes not your fault that your car hit that other car), you’re taking it to the next level.
The world already has one Ke$ha, and even she’s just pretending to be a disaster.
7. Insecure Irene (yeah, it’s hard to come up with names that start with I)
Oh my god do you think I’m pretty? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you mad at me? Do your friends like me? Are you sure? Are you sure? What are you thinking? Babe? Babe?
Girl, get your mind right. People don’t say that confidence is sexy for no reason, they say it because it’s true. Even if inside you’re just a pile of doubts, fake it till you make it. If you don’t think you’re worthy of a relationship or a man’s affection, eventually he will grow to agree with you. And no, you don’t look fat in that dress. And no, I’m not just saying that.
Okay ladies, I know that nobody knows more about women than other women. What red flags do see in other girls?