Nothing sabotages a sexy mood quite like a stream of negative thoughts. Worrying about work, your appearance, what your partner is thinking, or any preconceived idea of what good sex "should" be like is a sure fire way to take you out of the moment. It's easy to think them without even realizing it. When the following slippery-slope thoughts pop up in your mind, quit them, stat!
What you look like
It's obviously normal to be a little body-conscious – you're naked, in front of the person you like, after all. But staying hung up on it the whole time (and intimacy can too often be a trigger bad body image thoughts) robs your ability to feel pleasure. Judging your appearance or how your body performs as "bad" alienates you from your body, and from the moment, and puts your brain on the defensive.
Thinking negative body image thoughts during sex is like having someone else in the room with you. How un-intimate is that? When you find yourself thinking about your appearance during sex, notice those thoughts, and if it makes you feel bad about yourself, why keep thinking it? Try to tune in, instead, to the way you feel.
If you're "doing it right"
Bringing a preconceived idea of what good sex should be like, or what your partner's idea of it might be distracts you from the present. Good sex has more to do with how committed you are to making each other feel good, (communicating honestly, trying things, finding out what works and what doesn't, over time). It's not about producing some move that magically casts an orgasm spell on your partner. It takes two people to tango.
Chances are, if Facebook is a big part of your waking life, it'll follow you to bed. Did you know that over 33% of Facebook users reported feeling unhappy during their visit? That unhappiness can linger after you sign out, too. Comparing yourself to your "friends" is a major source of unhappiness, and the longer you spend browsing Facebook, the higher the likelihood of believing others are happier. If someone you barely know pops into your head during sexy time, do yourself a favour and kindly let them know they're not invited.
If your body is "normal"
The porn industry has ruined vaginas. Srsly. God forbid any part of the female body escape the idea that any part of the female body has to adhere to a beauty standard.
