K, I know that we’re living in the age of all things nostalgia. I get it. And I also know that Hollywood ran out of ideas for new movies like five years ago, but I have one thing to say to all of the movie remakes: Please stop. For the love of everything holy, please stop.
Almost every new movie that has come out in the recent years is a remake or variation or unwanted sequel of some movie that was done right the first time. Either that or it’s a remake of something that shouldn’t have even been made in the first place. Like we didn’t want it the first time and really don’t want it the second time.
This rant is probably way overdo, but recent news really set me off. Last week, while I was sunning myself on a beach in Bali (seriously though, just trying to hold on to the vacation), I was scrolling through Twitter because I’m incapable of pulling myself away from my phone and saw the news that there’s going to be a remake of The Blair Witch Project to which my reaction was: Why? Did we need a remake of Blair Witch? Did we even need the first Blair Witch or the sequel that followed? No, we didn’t.
The next bit of news that set me off was this. Rebel Wilson is going to star in a remake of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (which, by the way was already a remake so ohmygod when does the madness end), literally one of my favourite movies, ever (if you haven’t watched it, go now). It’s not that I don’t love the idea of having two female con-artists instead of men and it’s not that I don’t love the idea of an all-female Ghostbusters team, it’s just that some movies are just good on their own and really don’t need remakes. We can empower women in film in a way that isn’t remaking a movie that was already good the first time around.
You know what the funny thing is? Dirty Rotten Scoundrels totally could have had a sequel. The ending set it up for a sequel. But the team decided they didn’t want to ruin the story by adding more to it; that it was better as a stand-alone movie. And you know what? They were right.
I’m sure Hollywood won’t listen to me considering they’re already working on remakes of Jumanji and It, but if you really want to experience the adventure over again, just watch the original. Problem solved.
(I realize that as I write this you’re probably all like, “But Ash, aren’t you the one who won’t stop talking about Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life,” and yeah, I totally am and let me tell you I’m TERRIFIED they’re going to ruin it for me.)
Here is a list of movies that I would really like Hollywood to leave alone:
The Godfather I and II (you can do whatever you want with III)
Every Disney movie
The Shawshank Redemption
Jaws (because you don’t need CGI to get scared, tbh)
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Weekend at Bernie’s
…and literally any of your other favourite movies that you can think of.