Say what you will about the show—we’ve learned a lot from the past season of The Bachelor with Juan Pablo at the helm. Apart from the usual we’ve learned how normal we all are compared to some of those on the show, there are some lessons that you can takeaway and apply to your love life. And while we urge you to take this advice with a grain of salt (and a shot of tequila, if it moves you), we hope you too walked away from The Bachelor finale with a profound sense of enlightenment.
1. Make sure you don’t date someone who uses the words “fine” or “it’s okay (ess hokay)” more than you do. Those terms are reserved for angry females who want to piss their guy off, not the other way around.
2. Dating a guy who constantly contradicts himself is always a good idea. No seriously. They keep you on your toes and always have you guessing what their logic is. Your relationship will never be dull. At least not until he promises that when you’re back at home he plans on watching baseball alone all the time. Then we can’t help you.
3. Addendum to note above: Try to find a guy that warns you about his sport-watching habits ahead of time. Like in the first two dates or so. Make it a point to ask about how frequently he watches sports during your first interview date. At least that way you can find another guy to hang with during baseball season, hockey season, football season, etc.
4. Never ever wish for a rose from some sweet-talking dude for your birthday. It will only end in heartache. Wish for shoes, a new purse or a vacation, but don’t use your one annual birthday wish on a guy. Come on now.
5. Chicks before d*cks—ALWAYS. As the friendship between Andi, Nikki, Kelly and Sharleen has proven.
6. If you are getting even a sneaking suspicion of a red flag in your relationship—whether it be something he said or did (or didn’t say, as Nikki will soon realize), run, don’t walk, RUN away from him. Your instinct and intuition are the only things you can trust.
7. If you don’t find the man of your dreams the first time around, fret not, in a matter of months there will (literally) be 25 of them lined up outside your door, waiting to woo you.
8. No man is worthy ruining a nice pair of heels in the sand for. Nope. Not one.
9. And if you do finally realize you were duped all along, make sure you leave in a really classy way, like telling the guy that he’s absolutely awful and you would never want him to be the father to your children. If you’re gonna go, go in style.
10. But, if by chance you do find love, be insanely happy about it. Don't feel you need to hide your giddiness on national television just because your beau said he wants to keep your relationship "private." Real love is hard to find (unless you go on a network reality show) and should be shared with the world (unless you go on a network reality show).
