The first time (if ever!) your parents talked to you about sex, it’s likely that it started a little bit like this, sweetie, when two people really love each other… and so on. For some, this story became increasingly detailed and involved words like flower and fertilization, but for others, that’s where the story stopped. As a result, we grew up taking everything we could from health class in public school “ which for most just included a condom, a banana, and a pamphlet containing a glossary of sexually transmitted infections (fingers crossed our public health service announcements have improved). So, what did we really wish our mother, or the school nurse had told us about sex? Future parents, take notes.
The Golden Rule
Always pee after sex–it prevents bladder infections . If you have ever felt the pains of a bladder infection from not immediately going to the bathroom after having the intercourse then maybe you read more on the internet than the rest of us. So, moms, tell your daughters that during sexual intercourse, the bacteria in the vaginal area may be pushed into the urethra and eventually end up in the bladder, where urine provides a good environment for the bacteria to grow. Gross right?
The Big Bang Theory
Yes, sometimes there are those fortunate few out there that marry their high school crush. However, if our mothers had braced us and maybe said there won’t be fireworks every time we give it up we would have been more prepared for a fall out. Instead our first sexual experience is built up to this magical evening (honestly, was it?) where a proposal and a giant ring were to follow. More can likely relate to being in the back of a mini-van, cringing at the look of the male member and praying that it hurts less than punishment of being late for your curfew. Parents, tell your kids it will be fun when they are ready and properly protected and if it doesn’t work out well, you don’t really need them anyway. Which brings us to the next point.
The Singular State of the Union
It’s true – sex with yourself is not a crime, and get this “ it’s safe! If someone had spent more time providing us with pamphlets on how to successfully self-love than we certainly would have been less likely to go out to try and find something to do it with non? Mothers, why did you not teach us the shower trick (legs up, under the faucet, a la Samantha Jones) when we first realized we had pleasure points? (I’d probably still have my virginity).
Murphy’s Law
So it’s a bit harsh to think that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, but preparation for what can become of sex is essential, and can lead to the best part. Letting go. The things that make sex awkward, hilarious, hot, and meaningful are the times where you are entirely comfortable (see that “ two people are comfortable, not when two people really love one another). He may have an obnoxious O face, you may dare we say it um, fart “ whatever it is “ if it goes wrong “ those will be the best moments (embarrassing or not), and the ones you remember. Dear child, if it can go wrong, ah it might, let go and always wear a condom (Oh, and visit the doctor once every six months).
