Why You May Want to Avoid that Wine Tasting

We arrive at the vineyard at 2 pm.

Afternoon drinking? I’m not sure about this. I have a lot of work to get done at home, but I’ve promised my friend I’d be her plus one to this wine tasting. I don’t know anything about wine other than a) I like it and b) white wine makes me a wee bit emotional (at least that’s what someone told me once¦ I can’t remember who it was; my vision was blurry at the time).

2:15 pm

The sommelier greets the group of us in the lobby. Tommy is what he introduces himself as. Tommy’s just a boy. He can’t be over twenty-five years of age. I wonder to myself if he’s at all nervous to show this group of business professionals around, but it’s his job. He looks to be up for the challenge. I’m also wondering if there might be any cheese or snacks to accompany the wine at any point during the tour. I was in a rush and could only manage to grab a Cliff bar before I left the house.

4:00 pm

The first wine we taste after a beautiful hike through the vineyard is a Pinot Noir from the Niagara region. It’s dry and fruity and my palate welcomes the lightweight red with open arms. I think about the goat cheese sitting in my fridge that would have gone exceptionally well with it¦ but alas I am an hour and a half away from home. I really do hope Tommy surprises us all with some sort of white cheddar at some point. That would be outstanding. Oh “ there goes my first glass.

4:30 pm

The next wine is from Lake Erie. It’s a bit too sweet for my taste but the guilt instilled in my brain from when I was a child won’t stop talking. Finish what’s on your plate and what’s in your glass. Waste not, want not. The sour blackberry notes dance all the way down my begrudging throat.

5:00 pm

Our third tasting is an oaky chardonnay from Vinemount Ridge. At least I think that’s what I heard Tommy say. Am I a tad tipsy? I have so much work left at home and we’re only three drinks in. I can feel my cheeks starting to match the rosé© we’re about to try. Is it just me or did Tommy just smile at me?

5:15 pm

I’m now drinking something pink. Tommy has almost positively winked at me and I need cheese like a baby needs a bottle. Speaking of bottle, I think I’ve drank at least that and then some. My friend didn’t like the last one, which is, if I can be frank for a moment, b-a-n-a-n-a-s because it tasted sensational to me. You know what else is sensational? The Merlot in my left hand that is totally complimenting the pink stuff in my right hand. Oh my God. I think I LOVE wine? And my friend who brought me here. Oh God. I love her so much.

6:00 pm

Tommy is really cute. I bet when he kisses you he makes sure your hair is out of your face first. Also, I have to pee.

6:10 pm

Okay, I peed. Not sure when my hair got out of it’s bun, but here I am, world. READY. TO. LET. LOOSE! I’m so young and SASSY. Why am I wearing a blazer? My mother was right “ it adds 10 years “ IN A BAD WAY. Well the blazer is COMING OFF!

6:15 pm

Seriously though, where’s the goddamn cheese, Tommy Boy?

6:21 pm

HOW DO I HAVE TO PEE AGAIN ALREADY?!

6:30 pm

I think Tommy knows where the secret cheese is. I’m going to seduce him into telling me.

6:45 pm

Did you know there were cabs out here? My BEST friend and I are taking a cab back to our hotel. I THINK I WILL INVITE TOMMY!

6:5?

OH, YOU THINK YOU’RE SO SPECIAL, TOMMY. GOOD FOR YOU. CONGRATS ON HAVING A GIRLFIEND. I DON’T NEED YOU. I’M AN INDEPENDEENT WOMIN! LIKE DESTINY’S CHILDREN OR CAITLIN JENNIFER. I MENA JNNER.

7 I THINK

I’m weeping. My friend got me cheese and she’s all I need now. I love her.

Tags: wine, wine tasting

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