Every so often, both America and the UK will have a holiday when we in Canada do not. So, today is Memorial Day in the US and it’s a Bank Holiday in England, which means that for the rest of us, the world pretty much stops. And like, I mean it. I literally Googled “Harry Styles” and all that came up were links from a tabloid to claims that his mom hates the fact Taylor Swift wrote a song about him. And do you know who cares about that? Not me, because it has nothing to do with his short hair that I think about in my spare time.
So what do we do? Today is like a pop culture snow day. It’s like those afternoons in elementary school where you realized everyone had gone home at lunch, and you and like, six people were left in class and the teacher’s finally caved and was like, “I don’t know — anyone want to watch Casper?” (Answer: Yes, always — that movie is so weird, but it’s a gift to us all.)
But we don’t get to go home and watch a movie. Most of us still have work to do. But when/if the conversation runs dry (or you miss the pitter-patter of little emails from various American industry contacts), here’s a list of things you can do to make today feel less . . . weird. (And guys, it feels weird. It’s 9:30 and the number of emails I’ve received is one. And it was automated from the Gap — in Canada.)
– Talk about Game of Thrones (I’ve never seen this show, but goddamn, you people seem absolutely obsessed with it)
– Talk about Veep (the greatest show ever, BTW)
– Complain about the heat (the universal unifier)
– Sing your praises about the heat (some of you freaks like this weather, I guess)
– Look out the window as often as possible, hoping your boss will notice that you don’t want to be there and tell you to “just go home” with a kindly smile because they get you
– Make 928525 coffee runs (like, whenever you’re bored, just go get more coffee)
– Take the stairs (and then sit on the stairs and tweet)
– Creep the Instagram accounts of American and British people you know and tell yourself that you’re not jealous and that you don’t care
– Listen to Drake
– Print out a tiny Drake
– Mastermind a plan to break into every American and English home to leave a tiny, sad Drake sitting on their coffee table
– Change your name to Drake
– Convince everyone to do the same so that when everybody comes back to work tomorrow, everybody they email will be named Drake
– This will confuse them and allow us to take over the world
– Go get a snack, you’ve earned it
You’re WELCOME.
