Kylie Jenner’s Puma Ad Is Here (Do I Have To Workout Now?)

by Anne T. Donahue

Well, it’s here, everybody: Kylie Jenner has revealed the first photos of her Puma campaign and everything is athletic and I feel left out.

“Excited to reveal my campaign for the @PUMA Fierce, a lightweight trainer with zero excuses, available starting 4/1 on PUMA.com, PUMA retail stores, and select retailers worldwide,” she captioned on Instagram. “The next level starts here #ForeverFierce”

Two photos of Jenner were shared — one on her account and one on PUMA’s — which are the first of a seven-figure campaign deal that was announced on February 8. (Mainly when Kanye West had a massive temper tantrum about it on Twitter, then told TMZ he was over it a little over a week later.)

But I don’t care about that as much as I care about this pressure I’ve been feeling from #celebrities and #famouses to work out. I hate working out. I hate gyms. I hate them. I hate them to the point of having not been in one — minus a cycling class I went to in 2004 — since 2002. Seriously: the last time I went to “work out” I was 17 and I wore makeup and Modrobes and I was actually only there because my friend Leeann said we could go for breakfast after and there were usually cute boys there.

There was not, and I have not returned since.

In fact, instead of working out, I prefer to walk really fast and too far (a.k.a. from my car or a building) and/or worry constantly or running up and down the stairs 25925 times in a day because I keep forgetting stuff in the washing machine. Or, I prefer to own workout clothes and wear them as regular clothes. Or, I would prefer to think about going to the gym instead of going to the gym.

Guys, I hate the gym and I don’t want to go, and these celebrity endorsements are making me feel really attacked right now. Like, here are the things I would rather do than work out:

1) Not work out.

2) Continuing to not work out.

3) Drink this coffee I just made.

4) Go for a long walk! (See? That’s fun!)

5) Go for a long walk while listening to music that makes me feel like I’m in a movie (can you even handle it).

6) Complain about working out.

7) Go for allergy tests (ugh, guys full disclosure: I think I’m allergic to shellfish).

8) Complain about working out.

9) Write a post for you guys to read (aw).

10) Watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

And honestly, isn’s that what Kylie for PUMA is all about? No? Okay, look: I don’t know anymore. Congrats to Kylie, congrats to PUMA, and congratulations to the Cambridge YMCA who last saw me in July 2002.