Parents Just Don’t Understand!

Having your independence belittled by snide comments or quiet judgements from your parents can make you feel like you’re 6 again. It’s a vicious cycle because since you’re made to feel like a toddler, you probably end up lashing out like one. Less than ideal outcome ensues when you argue with your mom that way, and nothing changes. Ever feel like you can’t win? Here’s your course of action for getting treated like an adult – one who wears whatever they want.

Don’t be defensive, welcome an open discussion
You can’t expect much to change if every comment is met with a slammed door. Sit down with your mom and ask her to explain why your clothes bother her. Then explain the way you see the situation. Treat it like a problem to be solved. If the conversation goes well, you’ll begin to understand that the issue is beyond the pants – maybe it’s a control issue, maybe she’s genuinely concerned for your safety, maybe she’s trying to hold onto you being a kid. Maybe she doesn’t even know what the real issue is. Whatever it is, working together to get to the root of it will be able to help you solve this together, if you can. 

Assert your independence the right way
So all you want to do is throw your hands in the air and yell “I’M AN ADULT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!” but that only looks like total immaturity to her (frustrating, right? Ugh). You have to show your mom you make decisions for a reason, don’t just tell her. Showing your independence doesn’t mean wearing something you know she’ll hate and storming out the door as a symbolic Eff You! That will only make the problem worse. Show your mom you’re hard working, focussed and capable of making good choices. When she respects your independent life, she’ll respect your wardrobe. 

Agree to disagree
If you’ve tried this and you can’t make a chance, lay out your options. Explain to your mom that ideally, you would go about your young adult life with her blessing on everything you do. But you can’t make every single decision with her in mind. You have to do what you feel is right for you, and she has to trust that you have a good head on your shoulders. If this means agreeing to disagree, for now, then so be it.

Just don’t let clothes get in the way of your relationship with your mom. At the end of the day, something superficial shouldn’t cause a rift in any relationship. If you can’t work this out, then its obviously a bigger issue than just a shirt. 

Tags: clothing choice, judgemental parents, mother-daughter relationship, parents disapproval

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