In any type of relationship “ not just romantic ones “ we tend to want to exert some sort of power over the other person. By struggling to keep our individuality intact, we push forward our own opinions and ideas. We have all the right answers to questions asked about the relationship and better yet, we are always right. But remember, there are two people in the relationship. Unless the other person enjoys being a doormat, he will put forth his two cents and battle it out to be right. So how do two people struggling for power give up this much-desired control?
Love of Power vs. the Power of Love
While it’s good to be assertive, voicing things in an aggressive manner can have negative results. Possessing too much power can be corruptive. Yes, everyone enjoys the feeling that comes with being right. Who doesn’t feel satisfied when they can tell the other person, I told you so? or content when they get things their way? However, if you are the only one who gets to decide things, your boyfriend will grow to resent you. So the question is, what’s more important in a relationship? Having power over the other person or finding ways to show your boyfriend that you love him? If it’s the former, maybe a career in politics is something you might want to consider. But craving power is definitely not something you should seek in your relationship.
This goes both ways. If you feel as though your man enjoys taking control of things “ or you “ a little too much, you might want to re-evaluate the situation. There’s no need to become completely passive and submissive for the sake of his idea of a successful relationship.
Agree to Disagree
Everyone is different. Finding two people who agree on every single matter, issue and topic is extremely rare. Just knowing that in itself should allow us to feel more light-hearted when we find ourselves in a difference of opinion. There doesn’t always have to be a right answer or a better way of doing things. Not everything the two of you do has to be just one person’s idea. Sometimes, you can even do things differently. If you want to change your Facebook status to In a Relationship but he doesn’t, just change yours and be happy that you’ve found someone that you really like. He will like you even more for not forcing him to conform.
Finding Common Ground
The common theme of all relationships is good communication. Frequently talking about the simplest things and getting to know your boyfriend is the first step to avoiding a struggle for power. If he knows you’re more of planner, it wouldn’t kill him to let you take the reins on that upcoming trip you’ll be going on together. What could be the harm in letting you make the itinerary? It will be better for him too because you’re doing all the work and he will be grateful when he realizes how fun and organized the trip is. On the other hand, if he wants to surprise you for your birthday, as curious as you are, just let him. It might be tempting, but try not to ask him any questions about it or tell him what to do and let the man do his thing!
Taking control isn’t always a bad thing. In certain situations, one person might feel less comfortable and will want the other person to make the decisions. Maybe you got lost on a road trip and you’re bad with directions. Trust your boyfriend when he says which way you need to go instead of trying to prove him wrong.