So, you’re on a first date. You spent a few hours selecting an outfit that would make you look casual, fun, spontaneous, put-together, nonchalant, effortless and beautiful. You’re standing up straight, you’re making eye contact, you’re asking about each others siblings and careers and laughing at the appropriate intervals. But what if…
It Turns Out He’s The Worst
Maybe he just got done telling you about the time he and his friends got drunk on Four Loko and stayed up for a 3 day bender. Maybe he disclosed that he doesn’t so much pay his taxes. Maybe he once ran over a dog with his car and just kept driving. When you find yourself sitting across the table from a guy who makes a punch in face seem better than finishing dinner, you have three options:
a) Suck it up, nod your head, and zone out for the remainder of the evening. Pepper in a half-hearted laugh and smile vaguely. End the evening with a firm handshake, just like Dad taught you.
b) Call it as you see it. If you’re certain there’s no potential for another date, then lady up and tell him he just doesn’t give you those old-fashioned feelings.
c) Fake a text. And I mean really fake it. This ingenious little app let’s you send yourself a fake text from anyone you please. One quick trip to the ladies’ room and when you return, you have an instant out. Bonus: you can even SHOW him that your roommate is suddenly locked out of the apartment and needs you to come let her in, or that your sister needs to see you immediately to discuss some serious family business.
It Turns Out He’s The BEST
Sometimes a first date is so magical that it doesn’t even take one glass of wine for you to imagine yourself with a new last name, three improbably perfect children and a life where you split your time between a restored farmhouse and your downtown loft. But slow your roll, lady! Just because you’re sure that first kiss will lead to a mini-van doesn’t mean it all has to happen right now. You don’t need to laugh twice as hard at his jokes, make an uncomfortable amount of eye contact, reapply your perfume until the entire restaurant can smell it or lean halfway across the table so he can READ YOUR BODY LANGUAGE. Quit being such a weirdo and enjoy your date.
And, either way if he’s awesome or awful, just to be ultra prepared, I always have an emergency first date beauty kit in my bag:
Colgate Wisps (colgatewisp.com):
I know, gross. A disposable toothbrush. Environmental implications aside, these are perfect for when gum just isn’t enough.
Takeaway White (takeawaywhite.com):
It’s really wonderful when you walk to the bathroom and find deodorant swipes all over your outfit (how did it get on the BACK of your dress?). These tiny foam pads remove them instantly. A miracle!
Marc Jacobs Lola Rollerball Perfume (sephora.com):
Swipe along your hairline at the back of your neck and strangers will stop you to tell you that you smell like an angel. I know from experience.
Carmex Lip Balm (carmex.com):
Sometimes even lip gloss just looks like a little too much effort. Keep it simple.
MAC Blotting Powder (maccosmetics.com):
Because when I’m nervous, my body expresses this through my pores. GROSS.
What’s your first-date survival guide tip?