Why It’s Okay to Not Want Kids

So you don’t want kids. So what, right? WRONG. Or so society says. Not wanting children, and openly admitting to it, is rapidly becoming one of the most talked about social faux pas’ of this generation. As more and more women opt for successful careers, world traveling, or even just a simple and happy childless marriage, more and more “baby advocates” are suddenly leaping on the defensive. But we’re here to tell you why it is okay to NOT want to have kids now…or ever.

Because you are NOT selfish
When a woman steps into the middle of another group of women (or even men for that matter) and expresses that she doesn’t want to have children, the automatic response is to tell her that “someday she’ll change her mind”. But what happens when she doesn’t? Well suddenly she is the most selfish woman in the world. Really? Because NOT bringing a child into this world, to parents who clearly don’t want them, sounds like a pretty damn selfless act to us…

Because a lot of the hooplah is just ideals, not reality
When it all comes down to it, a lot of people have babies because it is expected of them, not because they truly have a deep down longing for a child. We are taught, pretty much from the second we are out of the womb, that we are going to grow up, fall in love, and have a family. It becomes so engrained in us to believe that this is the ultimate of what we should be striving for in life that people can sometimes get lost in the thrill of chasing the perfect life, without ever considering whether it is the perfect life FOR THEM. How often do you see a person who DOESN’T want children experiencing some form of unhappiness in their life? Probably a lot less than the person who didn’t discover that they didn’t actually want children until they were pregnant with baby number three.

Because you like your life… just the way it is
So you want to take off for three weeks to lie on a beach in Mexico drinking endless quantities of rum and coke? Well sure, you’re going to do it then (and at an adults-only resort at that!). You want to stay up until 4am on a work night watching SATC reruns and eating Ben & Jerry’s straight from the tub? Yes, you can do that too. It is OKAY to like your life just the way it is, with no real set routine and no need to worry about midnight feedings and soccer practices and meet the teacher nights.

Because you have more time to focus on your career
There is no denying that taking 12 months off to rear a baby through the first year of its life can put a small cramp in your career focus. In reality, it will probably put a cramp in it for the next 18 years between sickness, PA days, summer holidays, and wonky babysitting hours. You think it is a coincidence that most women who hold high ranking positions are often childless? Not likely.

Because it doesn’t mean you are a miserable, evil person
Just because you don’t WANT a baby, doesn’t mean you don’t LIKE babies. People often make this mistake when you tell them you don’t want children. Not wanting kids will not turn you into that old, evil spinster that everyone envisions. And in reality, you’ll probably be happier than miserable with children you don’t actually want!

Because you can keep that banging body
You work hard to look as good as you do. Five days a week in the gym to have the best body of your life and then all of a sudden in nine months it is gone forever. No thanks. You can keep your six-pack, your cellulite-free legs, and your awesome boobs thank you very much!

Because babies don’t always = a happy ending
Back to the rationale that we are expected to have babies, it is always important to remember that babies DO NOT make for a happy ending and many people who shouldn’t have kids end up with them because they think it will save a relationship. 99.9% of the time this isn’t the case.

Because you can always change your mind
Even if 15 years down the road, your silly biologically clock decides to start ticking, then you can go ahead and have a baby if you should so decide. Or adopt one! Or two or three or an entire football team. Just because you don’t want babies now doesn’t mean you might not in the future.

Because there is already enough people in this world!
6.8 billion people and growing? Enough said.

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Tags: babies, childless, children, kids, life, Marriage, maternal, pregnancy, single, successful career.

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Comments

  1. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I live in Louisiana (military moved me here), and I get flak constantly about not wanting children, and I’m a guy! I really feel for the women who are pressured by their peers to fulfill that “biological imperative” to sacrifice their lives (or at least put it off for a good 21 years) in order to turn into a human Pez dispenser.
    If I could take this post, condense it onto a big inflatable hammer, and beat the populace with it I totally would. I’ve really glad to hear some voice of reason on the other end of the gender line. Unfortunately for me, the deep South is too ingrained in its ways for me to find someone with half a grain of common sense when it comes to these things, but it’s nice to know that there’s a voice of reason somewhere.
    I just find it odd how despite all the steps the civilized world has taken to at least try to make women equal to men socially, the 1960s baby boomer mindset is still being spread around like it is, with women themselves being the first to criticize their own. Perhaps things aren’t really as equal as they might seem.
  2. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I’m fine with my decision not to have kids. I don’t feel bad about that decision (which is a wonderful thing). But it is amazing how people around me seem to try and make me feel bad about it. Thank goodness for posts like this and the ones I’ve been reading at http://www.babyoffboard.com — it’s so nice to read other people’s experiences as well.
  3. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    everytime i thought of having kids, i knew in my heart the guy i was with was not going to be a long-lasting relationship, and i didn’t want to be a single parent…(my preference)…that’s also a thought to consider, you might end up a single mom and is this something you can handle or want?
  4. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I live in Louisiana (military moved me here), and I get flak constantly about not wanting children, and I’m a guy! I really feel for the women who are pressured by their peers to fulfill that “biological imperative” to sacrifice their lives (or at least put it off for a good 21 years) in order to turn into a human Pez dispenser.
    If I could take this post, condense it onto a big inflatable hammer, and beat the populace with it I totally would. I’ve really glad to hear some voice of reason on the other end of the gender line. Unfortunately for me, the deep South is too ingrained in its ways for me to find someone with half a grain of common sense when it comes to these things, but it’s nice to know that there’s a voice of reason somewhere.
    I just find it odd how despite all the steps the civilized world has taken to at least try to make women equal to men socially, the 1960s baby boomer mindset is still being spread around like it is, with women themselves being the first to criticize their own. Perhaps things aren’t really as equal as they might seem.
  5. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I’m fine with my decision not to have kids. I don’t feel bad about that decision (which is a wonderful thing). But it is amazing how people around me seem to try and make me feel bad about it. Thank goodness for posts like this and the ones I’ve been reading at http://www.babyoffboard.com — it’s so nice to read other people’s experiences as well.
  6. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    everytime i thought of having kids, i knew in my heart the guy i was with was not going to be a long-lasting relationship, and i didn’t want to be a single parent…(my preference)…that’s also a thought to consider, you might end up a single mom and is this something you can handle or want?
  7. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I totally agree that it is a choice to have a baby or not have a baby and there are no shoulds about it. But I disagree with some of the particulars:
    “How often do you see a person who DOESN’T want children experiencing some form of unhappiness in their life? Probably a lot less than the person who didn’t discover that they didn’t actually want children until they were pregnant with baby number three” — unhappiness is spread around equally – not just for the benefit of those with kids. We all drink from the cup, single, married, childless or with kids. Thank God there are the good times too.
    “Five days a week in the gym to have the best body of your life and then all of a sudden in nine months it is gone forever” — speak for somebody else – my body’s still banging after 2 kids, thanks.
    “no need to worry about midnight feedings and soccer practices and meet the teacher nights” – go ahead and eat the ice cream, it is fantastic, but don’t knock the teacher interviews, the soccer games, the midnight feedings – they rock too.
    This seemed not so much a “Why it’s okay to not want kids” article as it was a “People with babies have lives that suck” article. There is loveliness in both worlds – vive la difference.
  8. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I totally agree that it is a choice to have a baby or not have a baby and there are no shoulds about it. But I disagree with some of the particulars:
    “How often do you see a person who DOESN’T want children experiencing some form of unhappiness in their life? Probably a lot less than the person who didn’t discover that they didn’t actually want children until they were pregnant with baby number three” — unhappiness is spread around equally – not just for the benefit of those with kids. We all drink from the cup, single, married, childless or with kids. Thank God there are the good times too.
    “Five days a week in the gym to have the best body of your life and then all of a sudden in nine months it is gone forever” — speak for somebody else – my body’s still banging after 2 kids, thanks.
    “no need to worry about midnight feedings and soccer practices and meet the teacher nights” – go ahead and eat the ice cream, it is fantastic, but don’t knock the teacher interviews, the soccer games, the midnight feedings – they rock too.
    This seemed not so much a “Why it’s okay to not want kids” article as it was a “People with babies have lives that suck” article. There is loveliness in both worlds – vive la difference.

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