When is it Love?

All you know is that you feel incredible when you’re with him”you’re walking on air.

Are you falling in love, or is it just lust? What’s the difference?

Matters of the heart always involve lots of questions and not a lot of clear answers. But that’s the nature of emotions; their job is to signal to us that something is going on. They aren’t supposed to tell us what that something is”that’s for us to figure out.

In the case of love, how do you know when it’s the real thing (and not the other L word)?

The first thing you need to do is ask yourself the right questions. Think about the object of your affections and consider:

¢ If we were in a fight, would I feel the same way about him?

¢ Could I let him go if I believed it was the right thing to do?

¢ Am I prepared to wait for this person if he is not ready to have sex with me yet?

¢ Do I respect and admire him? If you answered no to any of these questions, then you’re probably not in love. Love is based on trust, and answering no to any of these questions indicates that there is a lack of trust in your relationship. If you answered yes to all of these questions, then you feel very powerfully about this person and you are likely entertaining some other thoughts. Thoughts like:

¢ I want to have children with this person.

¢ I want to plan a future with this person.

¢ I want to grow old together.

You are likely telling everyone how happy you are and praising your newfound love for everything it’s doing in your life. In other words, this person has a great impact on your feelings”and not just the ones that cause you to lose sleep, stop eating and act like a giddy schoolgirl. When you’re in love, you also enjoy feelings of security, trust, hope and respect for your partner. These feelings are longer lasting. They endure long after the early, falling in love stage, and remain even when things between you and your partner are not going well.

Love should ignite a feeling that says, I want this to last and I am willing to make that happen because that’s how good this is. If you’re not feeling this way, then you’re probably experiencing the other L word.

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Tags: Love, Relationships

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Comments

  1. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Wedding Singer.. Grow Old With You; (actually one of my favorite movie scenes)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CYI5bKZMes
  2. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I feel this advice is over-exploited. first of all, you CAN love a person but not actually fully trust them. Trust takes time and untrustworthy people take advantage of our love. The other L word, being LIKE can be LOVE. You can feel butterflies and all of that other stuff you describe but still be not sure. A mindful person hesitates before tossing unsure words around. To love a person wouldn’t be to mislead them , would it? Some people over-use the word LOVE as a form of manipulation. A sheer example of that is , “YOU WOULD DO IT IF YOU REALLY LOVE ME”. I believe strongly that love is an action every bit as much as it may be non-action. To take time, be sure and feel unpressured. To be clear headed and not just think those “lustful butterflies” may be actual love because so often our head doesn’t meet our heart. Of all words, the worst are to hear “I don’t “LIKE” you!” because that would mean there is “nothing” there in a caring sense. Smart people who have learned will see that love isn’t a word to be tossed around wildly. Sometimes to love a person is to let go too isn’t it? True love doesn’t really flutter in on a whim, it takes time to grow and patience. So many are in love with the idea of love- Those ones say they love a person this week, ricochet to the next person by 2 weeks later then say that is love again. The wanting to have children aspect is funny, but that should be planned- There’s more than just a feeling involved in that. I love the wanting to grow old together concept- That brought the song to mind from the movie with Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler.. “The Wedding Singer” I believe…
  3. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Wedding Singer.. Grow Old With You; (actually one of my favorite movie scenes)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CYI5bKZMes
  4. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I feel this advice is over-exploited. first of all, you CAN love a person but not actually fully trust them. Trust takes time and untrustworthy people take advantage of our love. The other L word, being LIKE can be LOVE. You can feel butterflies and all of that other stuff you describe but still be not sure. A mindful person hesitates before tossing unsure words around. To love a person wouldn’t be to mislead them , would it? Some people over-use the word LOVE as a form of manipulation. A sheer example of that is , “YOU WOULD DO IT IF YOU REALLY LOVE ME”. I believe strongly that love is an action every bit as much as it may be non-action. To take time, be sure and feel unpressured. To be clear headed and not just think those “lustful butterflies” may be actual love because so often our head doesn’t meet our heart. Of all words, the worst are to hear “I don’t “LIKE” you!” because that would mean there is “nothing” there in a caring sense. Smart people who have learned will see that love isn’t a word to be tossed around wildly. Sometimes to love a person is to let go too isn’t it? True love doesn’t really flutter in on a whim, it takes time to grow and patience. So many are in love with the idea of love- Those ones say they love a person this week, ricochet to the next person by 2 weeks later then say that is love again. The wanting to have children aspect is funny, but that should be planned- There’s more than just a feeling involved in that. I love the wanting to grow old together concept- That brought the song to mind from the movie with Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler.. “The Wedding Singer” I believe…

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