We’ve faked headaches, sleep and menstruation to avoid sex. We’ve blamed stress, work and roommates for our inability to get in the mood. But what about some of the stranger reasons for avoiding a romp between the sheets? We did an informal survey to find out what little white lies and unfortunate truths people are telling to take a pass on the nookie, and the results were both horrifying (chili oil burns in delicate places) and hilarious (I’m training to be a nun).
Here is just a sampling of our top 10 favourite excuses for avoiding sex:
10. The cat is watching us.
Really, folks? Toss kitty out of the bedroom and get it on.
9. I have to do laundry.
There are few things in life that I’d avoid in order to do laundry. Sex is definitely not one of those things.
8. The Office comes on in 10 minutes.
There’s a one-word response to this: TiVo.
7. Privacy curtain or not, I’d prefer to wait until I’ve recovered from surgery a little bit more.
You know what? This is a good excuse. Would you want to explain to the nurse how those stitches came to be ripped?
6. I’m allergic to your toilet paper.
If your allergies to strange toilet paper are that severe, perhaps you should carry your own supply?
5. We’re not politically compatible.
This was an often-heard excuse during the McCain-Obama presidential race of ’08.
4. I think I left my iron on.
The woman who came up with this excuse returned home to discover that she had, in fact, left the iron on. Does that mean she didn’t really lie?
3. I’m training for a triathlon.
If you don’t have the stamina for a quickie, you’ll be surprised by the length of a triathlon.
2. I can only shower once a day because my skin is very sensitive. If we have sex, I’ll need to shower”and I’ve already had one today.
Consider seeing a dermatologist. And who says you need to shower after? Stay in bed all day!
1. I just don’t want to.
There’s nothing strange about this one, but it’s our favourite “because at the end of the day, if you don’t want to get down, excuses aren’t necessary.