Having grown up reading fairy-tales with romantic happy endings as a child, finding out as an adult that most eligible men are commitment-phobic narcissists is disappointing to say the least.
Ok, so maybe not most eligible men. But there does seem to be a rising number of guys who suffer commitment phobia. They have no intentions of settling down – ever – despite the fact they’re in long-term relationships.
So how do you know if your guy is one of them? In any relationship there are tell-tale signs as to whether or not it’s meant to last. We may not always want to recognize them of course, but this can lead to a sticky, prolonged break-up later on. If any of these signs exist in your long-term relationship, take note: they all point to his fear of commitment.
You haven’t met his parents
Meeting his parents and family signals he’s interested in keeping you around for the long term. Being excluded from his family gatherings is an indication that you don’t feature in his extended plans, or that he’s not really serious about your relationship.
You don’t share similar long-term goals
When your relationship goes from rough ‘n’ ready to long-term steady, it’s important to establish common goals. If after dating for a while his goals are still focused on what he wants as opposed to what you both want, chances are they won’t change.
He won’t make plans
Have you noticed that when you bring up a trip away next summer or attending that wedding a year from now he gets jittery? If he’s not comfortable making plans with you for the foreseeable future, he’s definitely won’t be comfortable making indefinite plans.
He’s says outright he’s not ready to settle down
Men are often candid about their desires to never settle down, but women often see this as a challenge. Don’t force the issue; would you rather marry a Tiger Woods or briefly date a George Clooney? I rest my case.
His friends are single
Being the first one of the guys to break from the pack and get serious with his girl is a big step. If he’s surrounded by his single buddies and not paying enough attention to you, this could be an indication of where his focus really is.
In most of those old fairy tales, the heroine basks in ignorant bliss. But in reality, being ignorant to the commitment phobia red flags in your relationship only results in wasted time and energy. Do some damage control sooner rather than later, because all the time spent in a dead-end relationship is time that could be spent investing in a real fairy-tale ending.
How do you feel about commitment-phobes? Do you hold out hope they’ll eventually convert, or do you cut it off as soon as you see signs?
lol
I had the same guy and in 3 months with him he never ask me to meet his parents and friends and I dumped him after that.
If a guy always leave you in the dark and never make any future plans with you and he always hang around single friends and never talk about his past relationship. He is hiding something.
He is not even worth a kiss.
Relationship is not a poker table no one should be hiding any cards at all.
I had the same guy and in 3 months with him he never ask me to meet his parents and friends and I dumped him after that.
If a guy always leave you in the dark and never make any future plans with you and he always hang around single friends and never talk about his past relationship. He is hiding something.
He is not even worth a kiss.
Relationship is not a poker table no one should be hiding any cards at all.
If you look at marriage & children as “wasting time” then I don’t think you have ever met someone that you are truly meant to be with. You yourself were a child at one point, do you think you were a waste of time?
Sounds to me that you don’t have long term relationships; even common-law can cause of division of assets. I think eHarmony might be the answer for you.
Wide awake
But when you generalize a whole gender based on the actions of a few means that a) the problem is YOU (since YOU are the thing they all have in common), so start looking elsewhere, rather than blame a whole gender or b) you are closed minded and possibly sexist. These apply to BOTH GENDERS
As for marriage, there is no need nor is there benefit for a man to get married. He can obtain everything he needs outside of marriage; kids, sex, love, commitment and more. Many of you females are going to throw away some AMAZING relationships if you focus merely on earning a slave through marriage because anyone with a mind and/or spine will see right through you and right through the system.
Wake up….
Thank You for help.
Time for him to go.
Not sure if he fits the above criteria… :/
In any case I enjoyed this article…
This is my boyfriend as well. We have been together almost 2 years. I see him on weekends, more around holidays. This is mostly due to custody schedules but potentially he could make more of an effort if he wanted to. He just doesn’t want to. He was married 9 years, went through a very bitter divorce and custody battle. He spent a fortune in court fighting his ex wife. His response to the question of marriage has always been “I dont know.” But he is a very committed bf in the way that I am very integrated in his life and he has said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, ect. I just dont think he wants to take another stab at marriage.
Dave
Thanks for confirming my suspicions regarding my boyfriend. Although, I have to admit that I’m also really scared of commitment. Oh well, in the meantime I’ll enjoy this relationship!
LOL
I was in my early twenties when those to relationships occurred. And now that I think of it, as a woman, I TOTALLY fit into the not-wanting-to-commit category. BUT, that was then. I’m now in my late twenties and happily engaged. When I met my fiancé, I NEVER wanted to be away from him. And suddenly, I began to think for the long term at the same time. So, perhaps age has something to do with it too? And in my case, finding the right guy I wanted to commit to.
Again, wicked, WICKED article!
One more thing: never ask questions that will only bring answers that will get him in trouble (i.e. Do I look fat in this?)
If you look at marriage & children as “wasting time” then I don’t think you have ever met someone that you are truly meant to be with. You yourself were a child at one point, do you think you were a waste of time?
Sounds to me that you don’t have long term relationships; even common-law can cause of division of assets. I think eHarmony might be the answer for you.
Wide awake
But when you generalize a whole gender based on the actions of a few means that a) the problem is YOU (since YOU are the thing they all have in common), so start looking elsewhere, rather than blame a whole gender or b) you are closed minded and possibly sexist. These apply to BOTH GENDERS
As for marriage, there is no need nor is there benefit for a man to get married. He can obtain everything he needs outside of marriage; kids, sex, love, commitment and more. Many of you females are going to throw away some AMAZING relationships if you focus merely on earning a slave through marriage because anyone with a mind and/or spine will see right through you and right through the system.
Wake up….
Thank You for help.
Time for him to go.
Not sure if he fits the above criteria… :/
In any case I enjoyed this article…
Dave
Thanks for confirming my suspicions regarding my boyfriend. Although, I have to admit that I’m also really scared of commitment. Oh well, in the meantime I’ll enjoy this relationship!
LOL
I was in my early twenties when those to relationships occurred. And now that I think of it, as a woman, I TOTALLY fit into the not-wanting-to-commit category. BUT, that was then. I’m now in my late twenties and happily engaged. When I met my fiancé, I NEVER wanted to be away from him. And suddenly, I began to think for the long term at the same time. So, perhaps age has something to do with it too? And in my case, finding the right guy I wanted to commit to.
Again, wicked, WICKED article!
One more thing: never ask questions that will only bring answers that will get him in trouble (i.e. Do I look fat in this?)