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Tell-Tale Signs He’ll Never Commit

How to find out once and for all if he’s a commitment-phobe

Having grown up reading fairy-tales with romantic happy endings as a child, finding out as an adult that most eligible men are commitment-phobic narcissists is disappointing to say the least.

Ok, so maybe not most eligible men. But there does seem to be a rising number of guys who suffer commitment phobia. They have no intentions of settling down – ever – despite the fact they’re in long-term relationships.

So how do you know if your guy is one of them? In any relationship there are tell-tale signs as to whether or not it’s meant to last. We may not always want to recognize them of course, but this can lead to a sticky, prolonged break-up later on. If any of these signs exist in your long-term relationship, take note: they all point to his fear of commitment.

You haven’t met his parents

Meeting his parents and family signals he’s interested in keeping you around for the long term. Being excluded from his family gatherings is an indication that you don’t feature in his extended plans, or that he’s not really serious about your relationship.

You don’t share similar long-term goals

When your relationship goes from rough ‘n’ ready to long-term steady, it’s important to establish common goals. If after dating for a while his goals are still focused on what he wants as opposed to what you both want, chances are they won’t change.

He won’t make plans

Have you noticed that when you bring up a trip away next summer or attending that wedding a year from now he gets jittery? If he’s not comfortable making plans with you for the foreseeable future, he’s definitely won’t be comfortable making indefinite plans.

He’s says outright he’s not ready to settle down

Men are often candid about their desires to never settle down, but women often see this as a challenge. Don’t force the issue; would you rather marry a Tiger Woods or briefly date a George Clooney? I rest my case.

His friends are single

Being the first one of the guys to break from the pack and get serious with his girl is a big step. If he’s surrounded by his single buddies and not paying enough attention to you, this could be an indication of where his focus really is.

In most of those old fairy tales, the heroine basks in ignorant bliss. But in reality, being ignorant to the commitment phobia red flags in your relationship only results in wasted time and energy. Do some damage control sooner rather than later, because all the time spent in a dead-end relationship is time that could be spent investing in a real fairy-tale ending.

How do you feel about commitment-phobes? Do you hold out hope they’ll eventually convert, or do you cut it off as soon as you see signs?

Sympatico Image

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38 responses to “Tell-Tale Signs He’ll Never Commit”

  1. you are absolutely right.But I am notlike that and in these days of economic hardship women will not be able to do that.
  2. Wow, I am so sorry to hear. I am sure you really did care about this person to hold up that long. But I do hope you learn your lesson and move on without him because he obviously did let go of you since he met you.
    I had the same guy and in 3 months with him he never ask me to meet his parents and friends and I dumped him after that.
    If a guy always leave you in the dark and never make any future plans with you and he always hang around single friends and never talk about his past relationship. He is hiding something.
    He is not even worth a kiss.
    Relationship is not a poker table no one should be hiding any cards at all.
  3. you are absolutely right.But I am notlike that and in these days of economic hardship women will not be able to do that.
  4. Wow, I am so sorry to hear. I am sure you really did care about this person to hold up that long. But I do hope you learn your lesson and move on without him because he obviously did let go of you since he met you.
    I had the same guy and in 3 months with him he never ask me to meet his parents and friends and I dumped him after that.
    If a guy always leave you in the dark and never make any future plans with you and he always hang around single friends and never talk about his past relationship. He is hiding something.
    He is not even worth a kiss.
    Relationship is not a poker table no one should be hiding any cards at all.
  5. Pardon me Elite but I think that you have a very jilted look at marriage; perhaps because of a past relationship. Maybe you are a child of divorce which we all know occurs in 1 in 2 marriages. This is even more pronounced when you say that “if I did leave she would rob me of half of my assets”. Is that what marriage is to you? That if your marriage were to end that you’d have to give up something?
    If you look at marriage & children as “wasting time” then I don’t think you have ever met someone that you are truly meant to be with. You yourself were a child at one point, do you think you were a waste of time?
    Sounds to me that you don’t have long term relationships; even common-law can cause of division of assets. I think eHarmony might be the answer for you.
    Wide awake
  6. i would rather marry tiger woods than date george clooney..why? well the settlement his wife received could tide me over for many a year!!!
  7. p.s the sentence was suppose to be written “being a woman is also NOT a guaranteed trait for greatness.” and no it wasn’t some subconcious reasoning – simply a hurried typo
  8. I see lots of bitter comments on here. Perhaps once you all stop generalizing men and women then you won’t be so pissed. Anyone here bisexual? I think bisexuals are the only one who can give an elaborate analysis of genders since they date BOTH genders. If all you have dated is women, then you have no idea how much drama a man can be, nor do you know how much of a jerk men can be (you think these traits are simply applicable to women?) – as a woman I can tell you that being a man is not an automatic trait of “greatness”, just like I believe any man who says they have been with a psycho woman – being a woman is also a guaranteed trait for greatness.
    But when you generalize a whole gender based on the actions of a few means that a) the problem is YOU (since YOU are the thing they all have in common), so start looking elsewhere, rather than blame a whole gender or b) you are closed minded and possibly sexist. These apply to BOTH GENDERS
  9. What a disgusting piece. You stupid people think that marriage is everything and that anything else but the forming of it and kids = “wasting time”. I would be happy with a female knowing that I could leave rather than miserable with one knowing if I did leave she would rob me of half of my assets. This country is full of falsely self entitled fools that will never earn the love of professional thinkers like myself. You are too greedy and I would NEVER build a long term relationship with a female that said that short term love and bliss meant nothing. That is what long term relationships are built of… segments of short term bliss and warmth.
    As for marriage, there is no need nor is there benefit for a man to get married. He can obtain everything he needs outside of marriage; kids, sex, love, commitment and more. Many of you females are going to throw away some AMAZING relationships if you focus merely on earning a slave through marriage because anyone with a mind and/or spine will see right through you and right through the system.
    Wake up….
  10. Great stuff! My bf has openly said, “I don’t know what I want.” Now that I have found out that he had kept his last girlfriend on the sidelines for the last year and a half, I know he had really meant, “I don’t know which one of you I want” (if either). Well, now he has lost both of us!
  11. the only reason a guy is committment phobic is because the girl is not for him. when he finds a girl that he wants to keep, he will. get over yourselves girls, and maybe take a moment to not be annoying as hell…stop blaming the boys for your shortcomings…
  12. Thanks for the wake-up call. I have been with this man for 8 years and never met any of his freinds or family. Never any parties weddings , family get togethers etc. i never thought I could be so stupid.
    Thank You for help.
    Time for him to go.
  13. Very good article..I have been in a relationship for one year to a guy that was married for 16 yrs…I now think that has left a very bad taste in his mouth and will probably not commit…Bad thing is that I think he knows I am a good fit fir him so he does not want to end the relationship but at the same time keeps his distance–(see him once or twice a week) I feel he keeps me for his own selfish reasons.
    Not sure if he fits the above criteria… :/
    In any case I enjoyed this article…
  14. When he says, “I’ll have to check my Day Timer to see if I can schedule you in at some time!” Another… Glad I brought you over to my home for New Year’s Eve, and at exactly midnight when he should kiss you, instead he runs to the phone to say I love you to his estranged daughter first. Later on that same evening he says… “wasn’t it better to come to my place than stay home all by yourself in that little apartment!” Here’s the best one. He says”While I am dating you; I will keep talking to my other women contacts on “Plenty of Fish”, you know, just in case you and I don’t work out!” Now that’s some nasty stuff, right ladies?
  15. Ladies bender is right. Men just do not have space in their uni-tasking brains for your compexity. If loving you makes us nuts, it makes for brain unhappiness. I read a brilliant article a while back about how women train men to lie. While the tactful aswer to “Does this make me look fat?” “may not be, “No your FAT makes you look fat,” you shouldn’t ask questions that you don’t want the answer to. I met a Russian woman who had it correct. She didn’t expect men to be women, that is what she has her girlfriends for. I think she was on to something.
    Dave
  16. Unfortunately, even at the age of 56, things don’t change. I would have thought there would be a time, that a commit phobic guy would finally come around. That is not the case. It makes me sad, as we were so compatible and really enjoyed each other’s company and yet this guy just kept running. Even when I finally left after three years, we got back together 6 years later and within two months, he was doing the same thing…running again.
  17. Wow, a great article, indeed!
    Thanks for confirming my suspicions regarding my boyfriend. Although, I have to admit that I’m also really scared of commitment. Oh well, in the meantime I’ll enjoy this relationship!
    LOL
  18. Wow, this is a great article. I’ve never been with a guy who was afraid to commit. Ex-boyfriends from my past were the opposite actually – like clingy, whimpering puppies. I remember I used to wish that they’d just be more laidback about things, enjoy the moment instead of dwell on marriage and kids. I used to always change the subject when those topics even came up.
    I was in my early twenties when those to relationships occurred. And now that I think of it, as a woman, I TOTALLY fit into the not-wanting-to-commit category. BUT, that was then. I’m now in my late twenties and happily engaged. When I met my fiancé, I NEVER wanted to be away from him. And suddenly, I began to think for the long term at the same time. So, perhaps age has something to do with it too? And in my case, finding the right guy I wanted to commit to.
    Again, wicked, WICKED article!
  19. Here’s a tip for you ladies – keep it simple. As a man, I’ve noticed that women love to make things (i.e. relationships) too complicated. Don’t make him guess, be open and honest and the adversion to commitment will disappear.
    One more thing: never ask questions that will only bring answers that will get him in trouble (i.e. Do I look fat in this?)
  20. Pardon me Elite but I think that you have a very jilted look at marriage; perhaps because of a past relationship. Maybe you are a child of divorce which we all know occurs in 1 in 2 marriages. This is even more pronounced when you say that “if I did leave she would rob me of half of my assets”. Is that what marriage is to you? That if your marriage were to end that you’d have to give up something?
    If you look at marriage & children as “wasting time” then I don’t think you have ever met someone that you are truly meant to be with. You yourself were a child at one point, do you think you were a waste of time?
    Sounds to me that you don’t have long term relationships; even common-law can cause of division of assets. I think eHarmony might be the answer for you.
    Wide awake
  21. i would rather marry tiger woods than date george clooney..why? well the settlement his wife received could tide me over for many a year!!!
  22. p.s the sentence was suppose to be written “being a woman is also NOT a guaranteed trait for greatness.” and no it wasn’t some subconcious reasoning – simply a hurried typo
  23. I see lots of bitter comments on here. Perhaps once you all stop generalizing men and women then you won’t be so pissed. Anyone here bisexual? I think bisexuals are the only one who can give an elaborate analysis of genders since they date BOTH genders. If all you have dated is women, then you have no idea how much drama a man can be, nor do you know how much of a jerk men can be (you think these traits are simply applicable to women?) – as a woman I can tell you that being a man is not an automatic trait of “greatness”, just like I believe any man who says they have been with a psycho woman – being a woman is also a guaranteed trait for greatness.
    But when you generalize a whole gender based on the actions of a few means that a) the problem is YOU (since YOU are the thing they all have in common), so start looking elsewhere, rather than blame a whole gender or b) you are closed minded and possibly sexist. These apply to BOTH GENDERS
  24. What a disgusting piece. You stupid people think that marriage is everything and that anything else but the forming of it and kids = “wasting time”. I would be happy with a female knowing that I could leave rather than miserable with one knowing if I did leave she would rob me of half of my assets. This country is full of falsely self entitled fools that will never earn the love of professional thinkers like myself. You are too greedy and I would NEVER build a long term relationship with a female that said that short term love and bliss meant nothing. That is what long term relationships are built of… segments of short term bliss and warmth.
    As for marriage, there is no need nor is there benefit for a man to get married. He can obtain everything he needs outside of marriage; kids, sex, love, commitment and more. Many of you females are going to throw away some AMAZING relationships if you focus merely on earning a slave through marriage because anyone with a mind and/or spine will see right through you and right through the system.
    Wake up….
  25. Great stuff! My bf has openly said, “I don’t know what I want.” Now that I have found out that he had kept his last girlfriend on the sidelines for the last year and a half, I know he had really meant, “I don’t know which one of you I want” (if either). Well, now he has lost both of us!
  26. the only reason a guy is committment phobic is because the girl is not for him. when he finds a girl that he wants to keep, he will. get over yourselves girls, and maybe take a moment to not be annoying as hell…stop blaming the boys for your shortcomings…
  27. Thanks for the wake-up call. I have been with this man for 8 years and never met any of his freinds or family. Never any parties weddings , family get togethers etc. i never thought I could be so stupid.
    Thank You for help.
    Time for him to go.
  28. Very good article..I have been in a relationship for one year to a guy that was married for 16 yrs…I now think that has left a very bad taste in his mouth and will probably not commit…Bad thing is that I think he knows I am a good fit fir him so he does not want to end the relationship but at the same time keeps his distance–(see him once or twice a week) I feel he keeps me for his own selfish reasons.
    Not sure if he fits the above criteria… :/
    In any case I enjoyed this article…
  29. When he says, “I’ll have to check my Day Timer to see if I can schedule you in at some time!” Another… Glad I brought you over to my home for New Year’s Eve, and at exactly midnight when he should kiss you, instead he runs to the phone to say I love you to his estranged daughter first. Later on that same evening he says… “wasn’t it better to come to my place than stay home all by yourself in that little apartment!” Here’s the best one. He says”While I am dating you; I will keep talking to my other women contacts on “Plenty of Fish”, you know, just in case you and I don’t work out!” Now that’s some nasty stuff, right ladies?
  30. Ladies bender is right. Men just do not have space in their uni-tasking brains for your compexity. If loving you makes us nuts, it makes for brain unhappiness. I read a brilliant article a while back about how women train men to lie. While the tactful aswer to “Does this make me look fat?” “may not be, “No your FAT makes you look fat,” you shouldn’t ask questions that you don’t want the answer to. I met a Russian woman who had it correct. She didn’t expect men to be women, that is what she has her girlfriends for. I think she was on to something.
    Dave
  31. Unfortunately, even at the age of 56, things don’t change. I would have thought there would be a time, that a commit phobic guy would finally come around. That is not the case. It makes me sad, as we were so compatible and really enjoyed each other’s company and yet this guy just kept running. Even when I finally left after three years, we got back together 6 years later and within two months, he was doing the same thing…running again.
  32. Wow, a great article, indeed!
    Thanks for confirming my suspicions regarding my boyfriend. Although, I have to admit that I’m also really scared of commitment. Oh well, in the meantime I’ll enjoy this relationship!
    LOL
  33. Wow, this is a great article. I’ve never been with a guy who was afraid to commit. Ex-boyfriends from my past were the opposite actually – like clingy, whimpering puppies. I remember I used to wish that they’d just be more laidback about things, enjoy the moment instead of dwell on marriage and kids. I used to always change the subject when those topics even came up.
    I was in my early twenties when those to relationships occurred. And now that I think of it, as a woman, I TOTALLY fit into the not-wanting-to-commit category. BUT, that was then. I’m now in my late twenties and happily engaged. When I met my fiancé, I NEVER wanted to be away from him. And suddenly, I began to think for the long term at the same time. So, perhaps age has something to do with it too? And in my case, finding the right guy I wanted to commit to.
    Again, wicked, WICKED article!
  34. Here’s a tip for you ladies – keep it simple. As a man, I’ve noticed that women love to make things (i.e. relationships) too complicated. Don’t make him guess, be open and honest and the adversion to commitment will disappear.
    One more thing: never ask questions that will only bring answers that will get him in trouble (i.e. Do I look fat in this?)

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