You love your guy you want to have his undivided attention, and that’s only natural. A little bit of jealousy is normal in any relationship “ it keeps you on your toes and keeps you interested. But if your green-eyed monster is out of control, here are some strategies to tame it.
Identify Your Jealousy
The root of all jealousy is insecurity — worrying that you are losing your man’s love and/or attention. Take a look at how your jealousy manifests itself “ are you acting possessive, engaging in behaviour some might consider stalking (IE, driving by his house at 3 a.m. every night to see if he’s home), or other unreasonable acts (constantly reading his texts or breaking into his emails). If you are, that’s not just petty jealousy “ that’s dangerous, consuming behaviour.
Talk it out with your guy. He may be able to calm your fears of losing him, and you will be able to control your jealousy once you feel more confident in your relationship.
During your talk, try to discover why you are so jealous (ie, are there leftover jilted feelings from an ex who cheated on you and you can’t seem to get over that betrayal?). Or is your current boyfriend contributing, whether consciously or subconsciously, to this problem? He may be engaging in behavior that feeds your jealousy, making it much harder for you to control it. If he isn’t aware he is doing it, it might be as easy as him changing or stopping this behavior. (For example, does he casually stay in touch with an ex in a way he thinks is no big deal but you find makes you crazy?) If he is intentionally engaging in a behavior that makes you insanely jealous, talk it out. He may be worried about losing you, too, and your jealousy makes him feel secure.
Jealousy vs. Intuition
Is it jealousy or is it your intuition “ meaning, do you suspect he has someone else on the side? Sometimes what you’re feeling can be rooted in fact, even if your behavior gets a little crazy. So sit down and ask him the some hard questions. Do it once, and be firm “ If he’s not giving you the straight answers you want or completely dismisses your feelings as being “crazy,” then it might be time to move on with someone who will take you seriously.
You may need to talk these out with a friend or counselor, especially if your jealousy is driving you to self-destructive (or relationship-destructive) behavior.