So he shows up to dinner late every once in a while and doesn’t have a great explanation. But when it stops being occasional, you can’t stand for it anymore. There’s no reason why you should be in a relationship with someone who has no integrity. If your boyfriend is a compulsive liar, the only person who’s bound to get hurt is you.
What is a compulsive liar?
A compulsive liar is someone who lies regardless of the situation because for them, lying has become a routine, a habit and a way to comfort themselves. They lie no matter what question they’re asked because the truth feels strange and awkward. Lying is their go-to, and it can become very addictive.
Compulsive lying usually develops in childhood when they’re put in an environment where lying becomes survival. It’s a coping mechanism to help the liar manipulate and control their surroundings. But it can get violent. So here’s what to look for if you suspect you’re dating a compulsive liar:
Everytime he tells a story it changes
If you notice his stories seem impossible or just a bit off, dig a little deeper. If they change slightly with every retelling it could mean that he’s forgotten the lies or that they aren’t satisfying anymore. He may plagiarize stories or tell the same story using different characters. Check the story with mutual friends to see if it matches up and do your own fact checking if you’re still not sure he’s lying.
He lies about little things that don’t seem to matter
Since lying is a response, your boyfriend will chose a lie over the truth in any situation. Ask him easy questions about his day and see what his answers are. Those things are easy to fact check. And the smaller the lie, the easier it comes. So try to determine if his go-to is lying or telling the truth.
He has an attention-seeking personality
Many compulsive liars have attention-seeking personalities and have used lies to compensate for their perceived failures. Many suffer from very low self esteem. This can propel them to make up stories that aren’t true. Notice how your boyfriend behaves around other people. Does he always have to be the centre of attention?
He continues to lie even faced with cold hard evidence of the truth
So you’ve found out that he’s lying and you present him with the truth. But, he still won’t fess up. Compulsive liars can become delusional and start to believe their own lies. They blur the lines between reality and imagination and can’t believe the truth even when they’re faced with it. Or he’s just a jerk and can’t admit you’re right.
He refuses to live in reality
Compulsive liars can’t cope with consistancy. They become bored with the mundane, or never learned how to live in reality since they were always falling back on lies. They have trouble holding a steady job and don’t deal well with everyday chores. Try to find out if your boyfriend has ever had a steady relationship in the past. If he’s estranged from his family and doesn’t have a lot of friends, that’s a pretty big red flag.
He reacts badly when caught in a lie
When you catch anyone redhanded, they’ll either fess up or become defensive. But if your boyfriend becomes extremely defensive to the point of rage or revenge, he’s probably a compulsive liar. See if he creates more lies to cover up the first one, or if he tries to turn the situation around on you, so you feel it’s your fault.
He has an addiction
If you keep catching your boyfriend in lies, it’s possible he’s covering up a deeper issue. Try to find the motivation behind his lying. Look for signs the signs of addiction including mood-swings, financial problems and withdrawal symptoms.
No matter what his reasons are, the problem will only get bigger as time goes by. You won’t be able to believe anything he says and a relationship like that is bound to be hard. More than that, making you believe his lies will be fun for him. And you don’t have to stick around to be childishly manipulated.