Should You Have a Fallback Lover?

Booty call, cuddle buddy, friend-with-benefits, rebound: fallback lovers go by many different names”and take different forms, for that matter”but he’s always the guy you turn to after a failed relationship, stressful day at work or even a wild night out.

Whether you’re a serial monogamist or someone who always has a guy on the go, having a fallback lover around for that rough patch post-breakup might seem convenient, but it can also get in the way of moving on. In every relationship there’s good and bad”and the same goes for keeping a man waiting in the wings:


The Good Parts

He eases the pain: Let’s face it: sometimes there’s nothing better than hooking up with someone else to deal with a broken relationship. We all need gratification“whether it’s sexual, emotional or both”and a fallback lover can definitely provide that.

He opens new doors: Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that all men cease to exist. If you’re newly single, think about guys you already have a fun rapport with, like your hilarious yoga instructor or charming next-door-neighbour. They can bring something new to your dating repertoire.

It could be love: Don’t let the word fallback fool you. The reliable cuddle buddy has the potential to be The One. (Isn’t that why you keep going back?) Sometimes it’s about letting yourself fall for the right guy instead of constantly seeking your idea of perfection.


The Bad Parts

It’s like jumping ship: Securing a backup before you’ve broken up is akin to abandonment. Not wanting to put in the time to fix what’s irking you (or him) in your current relationship could signal a fear of confrontation. And having a third party ready to go doesn’t give you space to enjoy being single”you are always semi-taken.

It makes you avoid self-reflection: There’s a lot of value in having a mourning period”especially after a particularly difficult breakup or a long-term relationship. Living la vida single for a while after ending it allows you to reflect on the mistakes you might have made (perhaps even in your choice of partner). Keeping a fallback lover around could be a sign that you’re a serial monogamist.

It’s unfair for him: Didn’t think of this one, did you? Just because a backup boyfriend is convenient for you, the combined effects of not dealing with any lingering emotions or issues from your last relationship might not make you the best new girlfriend. Or, if it’s more of a friends-with-benefits type situation, it might hurt a guy who is genuinely into you. Or vice-versa.


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Tags: breakups, Dating

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