More Than Friends

It happens all the time. You and your best guy friend are just hanging out, enjoying each others’ company as you always do on lazy dateless Sunday nights, when it hits you: he looks really sexy in sweatpants, stuffing his face with takeout pizza. Suddenly, you want to pounce. But you can’t¦can you?

Do you act on your feelings and risk turning a great friendship into an awkward dead-zone? Do you squelch the desire and die a little when he gets a hot date next week? Sure, great love should always have a solid friendship as its base, but this is a tricky kind of transition. Best to finish the pizza as pals and think long and hard about your course of action.

These pros and cons may help:

Pros

  • You have a long, rich history together. You’ve seen each other through the good, bad and ugly (seriously, he’s seen you at your most heinous and didn’t run away).
  • You don’t have any secrets, so you both know what you’re getting. No need to worry about him judging your somewhat shady dating past, and you know all about his crazy sister.
  • You already share a level of intimacy and comfort it takes other couples months to achieve. A lot of the awkwardness, worry and shyness of a new relationship is already behind you.

 

Cons

  • That comfort level and long history may work against you: suddenly that friend whose burps made you laugh is now your boyfriend, whose burps gross you out. Sure, you get a free pass to skip over the awkward getting-to-know one another stage, but at what cost? There’s romance and mystery in those early days. You may miss those tingly, butterflies-in-your-stomach discovery moments that define a new relationship.
  • If you’ve nursed him through past relationships, you may have some pretty solid opinions about how he treats women. This insider info may cause you to anticipate how he might behave or overact to things he says or does. For example, if you know the way he always breaks up with a girlfriend starts with him failing to return her calls, you may freak out when he takes his sweet time in calling you back. This type of behavior can end a relationship before it starts.
  • When the romance ends “ and you must face and accept the reality that might “ you may also lose your belching, beloved friend.
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Tags: dating your friend, from friends to lovers

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Comments

  1. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I just recently told my friend that I liked him and he said he wasn’t interested in a relationship at the moment and that he has been trying to stay single for two years. When he said that, he didn’t look me in the eye. Now it’s a week later and we barely talk anymore like we used to before it became awkward.
    Also he’s flirting with this girl constantly and she just so happens to be a model. And on his facebook status it says, ‘so I ended up liking you more than I originally planned.’
    I’m really pissed because he lied to me, and I didn’t think that I was worth being lied to; not from him at least. Now, I’m debating whether I should keep trying to be his friend because I don’t forgive liars easily and it seems like he doesn’t even care. It’s gotten to the point where i just don’t know what to do about it anymore.
  2. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I just recently told my friend that I liked him and he said he wasn’t interested in a relationship at the moment and that he has been trying to stay single for two years. When he said that, he didn’t look me in the eye. Now it’s a week later and we barely talk anymore like we used to before it became awkward.
    Also he’s flirting with this girl constantly and she just so happens to be a model. And on his facebook status it says, ‘so I ended up liking you more than I originally planned.’
    I’m really pissed because he lied to me, and I didn’t think that I was worth being lied to; not from him at least. Now, I’m debating whether I should keep trying to be his friend because I don’t forgive liars easily and it seems like he doesn’t even care. It’s gotten to the point where i just don’t know what to do about it anymore.

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