Independence, Co-dependence, Dependence

The longer you’re with someone in a relationship, the greater the tendency is to either do things for them or want them to do things for you. Have you ever found yourself so in love with someone that you just want to make them happy in every way possible? Even if it means giving up your own needs and sacrificing your own desires? Or do you feel constant misery whenever you are apart from your SO? Are you only happy when you are around them?

These are symptoms of being in either a co-dependent or dependent relationship. When you find yourself in either of these situations, you will eventually hit a roadblock that prevents you from being happy in your relationship.

Living for him
People who frequently sacrifice their own needs in order to make another happy are known as caretakers. Caretakers often think of others and their wants before their own. What do they expect in return? Appreciation, admiration, approval.

Doing something for another for the sake of getting something in return is never a good way to go. You can never predict how someone else is going to respond to your actions. By expecting gratitude, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. You should do things for him because you care; not to raise your self-esteem by hearing words of affirmation come out of his mouth.

Think about the instructions in a plane manual for putting on your oxygen mask. It always instructs people to put on their own mask first before helping someone else with theirs. It’s the same in relationships. No amount of good deeds for another person will make you truly happy if your own needs and wants aren’t being met. While it’s always a good thing to put others before yourself, you don’t want to become a doormat and let him walk all over you.

Can’t live without him
On the other hand, many women make the mistake of depending on their SO to make them content. They base their happiness on the number of presents they receive, how many compliments he pays her, how much time he spends with her, etc. When pursuing a relationship, it’s easy to want to find a companion whose actions will meet your needs. But sometimes, focusing too much on what you want can cause you to become needy and demanding.

Oftentimes when entering a relationship, what people fail to realize is that your SO should compliment you, not complete you. You should be with him because you care, not because you are afraid of winding up alone.

Happiness comes from within
Maintaining your independence is one of the most important things when it comes to building a happy, healthy relationship. Stop trying so hard to make him happy at the expense of your own happiness or relying on him to satisfy your needs. Being dependent on another person is a barrier to self-growth. You need to make sure that you can be fully content on your own before being content with someone else.

As important as it is to work out ways to grow together, that’s not possible, if you, yourself aren’t growing as an individual. How you can you expect to live for someone else if you can’t even live for yourself?

It feels great to lose yourself in a loved one; just make sure you don’t lose yourself. Keep your hobbies or take up new ones. Hang out with your girlfriends. Do what interests YOU, not him. And most of all do not, under any circumstances, let yourself cater to his schedule. Don’t wait for him to call you or text you. Just go out and do what will make you happy.

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Tags: codependence, dependence, independence, Relationships, sacrifice, serious relationships, unhealthy relationship, women and men

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