Avril Lavigne, “What The Hell.”
Lesson Learned: Go ahead and get married before you’re old enough to drink. When your marriage inevitably fails, you get a free pass to ho it up as much as you want, JUST SO LONG AS YOU ARE CLEAR with everyone involved that you are “messing with your head when I’m messing with you in bed.” This is precisely the kind of music that will help shape a group of impressionable girls into confident, self-possessed women who will be ready to compete in the global marketplace. Or, not.
Rihanna, “S&M.”
Lesson Learned: There are plenty of people who aren’t afraid to have their grandmother know that the sweet little baby she once knew is now a woman can proudly declare that there’s “sex in the air, I don’t care I love the smell of it.” Ewwww.
Britney Spears, “Dancing Till The World Ends.”
Lesson Learned: Men need clear, consistent communication. Don’t be afraid to let him know that you’ve “never felt like, felt like this before.”
Katy Perry, “Extraterrestrial ft. Kanye West.”
Lesson Learned: Contrary to popular belief (mine) this is not a parody song by the writers of Saturday Night Live. But when you’re Kanye West, you can write a preposterous rap about an alien rape fantasy that really showcases your vivid imagination and skillful wordplay. When you’re Katy Perry, you can sing whatever you want as long as you have big boobs. Also, this video cost more than you will make in your entire life.
Ke$ha, “Blow.”
Lesson Learned:There are dozens of actors in LA who are excitedly showing their friends and family their “big break” as masked unicorns starring opposite James Van Der Beek.
