How to Deal With a Guy Whose BFF is a Girl

The myth that men and women can’t be just friends is about as outdated as Modrobes, and assuming so can be equally ugly.

It’s 2015 and believe it or not, platonic relationships between guys and girls are possible. Thanks to a (somewhat) more level societal playing field between men and women, friendly relationships between genders is becoming easier “ not everything is about sex any more.

But no matter how much society progresses, the fact is, jealousy is sometimes unavoidable. We’re here to tell you that your boyfriend having a female best friend isn’t the end of the world and can actually be a good thing. If you aren’t convinced and would much rather he focus all of his time, energy, and attention on you and only you, well…you need to get real.

Here are some tips for dealing with dating a guy whose BFF is a girl, so that all three of you can have a happy and healthy relationship.

Make nice

Step one: get to know the girl! Your boyfriend obviously likes her for a reason and you should understand what that reason is. He will appreciate the effort you put into it and love you even more for accepting his relationship with her. Ask her for some one-on-one girl time so that you can have a chance to put any of your worries at ease. Chat over a coffee (or better yet, a drink) and bond. Be open and honest with her and she will likely do the same. Ask what questions you need to and express to her how you’re feeling so that she is given a chance to respond and alleviate any concerns you might have. If you know the basis and nature of their relationship from both his side and hers, you will feel much better about it. Not only will it make potential hang-outs more comfortable and enjoyable, you may actually find yourself making a new friend in the deal.

Respect their relationship

Accept the fact that she has probably been around a lot longer than you have and is an important part of your boyfriend’s life. That doesn’t mean that she is more important than you, but you can’t expect the guy to completely erase an integral part of his past and present. Think of how you would behave if his best friend was a guy…and then behave that way. Just because she is a girl does not mean that she’s competition. And think of how you would want him to treat your relationship with your best friend. Though you two should be each other’s number one for sharing secrets and expressing your feelings, there are lots of times when your best friend is the one you need to go to. You don’t need to know every little detail about every little conversation they have. If it is something you need to know, trust that he will let you know. And don’t forget “ she might have his past, but you have his future.

Set boundaries

Equally important to respecting their relationship is having yours respected too. This is crucial for your comfort and sanity. Though it may have been acceptable for your man and his BFF to express their love for each other in various ways before you came along, you don’t want to be made to look or feel secondary to another woman. He should sit next to you, not her, and he should call you first for advice, not her (unless the advice has to do with an issue you two are having “ then outside input is necessary). If something makes you uncomfortable or upset, first assess whether you have legit reasons to feel this way or if you are just letting potential jealousy get the best of you. But if your request is relatively basic, then make it. Chances are that they don’t realize what they’re doing, since friendliness between the sexes can often come off as flirtatious, and often, old habits die hard. Setting reasonable boundaries will make sure that all relationships continue pleasantly with minimal conflict.

Remember he chose you

Even the most confident women in the best relationships can feel insecure at some point. In these moments, stop and remind yourself that your boyfriend chose you over all other women, including his BFF. There is a reason they aren’t dating, and there’s a reason you two are. Though they may have awesome chemistry in terms of friendship, it likely ends there. You are the one he wants to share his bed with, you are the one he has his most intimate moments with, you are the one he calls his girlfriend. Though they may share certain inside jokes or special moments and experiences that you are not apart of, remember that you and your boyfriend share your own special, exclusive things too. Don’t let jealousy get the best of you because really, you don’t have anything to be jealous of “ you have the love of your man and that’s what matters!

Trust him

This may seem obvious but it can sometimes be easier said than done. While it may very well be possible that there is some sort of underlying attraction between your man and his BFF, give the guy some credit. Just because he thinks she’s pretty doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s going to sleep with her. There are plenty of hot women walking around in the world “ if your boyfriend has a wandering eye, don’t automatically assume that he’s going to stray. It’s totally natural to be attracted to attractive people, as I’m sure you check out enough cuties yourself. Do you pounce on every sexy dude that walks by? No. So if you are in a healthy, loving relationship, what do you really have to worry about? If there is no trust, there’s no relationship. Give him the benefit of the doubt and please, try not to be so damn paranoid.

Communicate

Along with trust, communication is an important building block for any relationship. Ask questions. Talk to him. And for the love of God, try not to over-analyze everything. Express your insecurities and ask for clarification when you need it, rather than wondering what exactly was meant by whatever either of them have said or done. Do both you and your boyfriend a favour and don’t make assumptions. Instead, confront any issues you might have calmly, rationally, with a good set of specific examples so that he doesn’t think you are coming out of nowhere with wild accusations. Not only will this help him understand how to keep you happy, it will also build the trust between you two so that you are stronger than ever.

Recognize the positives

There is just something fundamentally different about friendships with guys and friendships with girls. While hanging with the bros is great, the truth is, guys don’t always give the same kind of support that girls can. Generally, dudes don’t talk as much about feelings or emotions and they may not necessarily be the best at giving relationship advice, especially when it comes to understanding what women want. Who better to give advice on girls than a girl? Your man having access to a woman’s perspective can prove truly advantageous to you and your relationship. His female BFF can give him insight that his guy friends can’t, which will be much more helpful to you in the long run. Not to mention the fact that a guy who can have a friendly female relationship is probably going to be a little sweeter and a lot more sensitive than the ultimate man’s man. If he knows how to relate to a girl best friend, he will likely be a good listener who knows how to treat a lady.

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Comments

  1. Avatar
    • SJ
    • August 11, 2022
    Reply

    My (33f) and my boyfriend (32m). We knew each other for almost one year. I was fallen in love with him when I started to date on very first day. It’s like a love at first sight. Though for him took some several months to fall in
    love.

    He is going through a depression episode since first month when I started to date him. I have got hurted so many times because of his attitude and depression episode. Example: If I text him he will take hours to reply but I will see so many times online, we will meet but it willended my like he wants to sleep and he will sleep for hours and then we don’t do or talk nothing. We don’t call each other everyday so I really want to have a
    communication through text messages. But he doesn’t like to reply me much and once he said that he reply me for sake.

    He have a female friend and always he portraited her in a bad way like “she can’t live with one partner, she use to bring guys home and hook up and then break up with
    them, also she is going through severe depression episode that she have tried to suicide once and hospitalised, whenever I’m beside him she use to share her problems. (She have problem Whoever she met or
    whoever she is around) it’s like never ending thing Sometimes she use to copy and paste the whole story and messages whom she have contacted.

    Once when I had a small talk about her with my guy he agreed that she is mentally wrong. (I can clearly see the signs too) this friendship of my boyfriend’s is really bothering me since I know her attitude and behaviour.

    On 17th of July: I saw a message from her suddenly without any context “I like you and a heart emoji” he have replied that “me too”. When I ask about it he said in a friendly way and she is like a sister to him. But I felt like
    they were flirting and when I asked about it again and again, my boyfriend texted her saying that they have to stop texting, otherwise it’s not good for our relationship.
    Also once he have said that he got feelings for her and when he asked out by then she said she had a boyfriend. Also they have shared the same bed to sleep whenever they met. It’s kind of bothered me a lot. (They didn’t meet other for one year because she is living in a different city). Me and my guy planning to move to another city. That place is close to the city where she lives and she have also texted that they can meet each other often.
    I didn’t ask my boyfriend to block her but he blocked her when we were having the conversation and so worried and said that he is grieving he ended up a friendship. I feel so guilty about this. I have gone through and sacrificed a lot in this relationship. I have already set boundaries with my male
    friends and I know how to mingle with my friends.

    7th of August: I asked my guy whether she is texting him again. He said yes and I was super shocked. He didn’t tell me all 3 weeks about this. I asked me whether I can see
    the messages they have shared. I went through everything and saw that she have sent nude pictures of her a year ago before we started our relationship. They kind of flirted each other. I was broken and as I suspected everything was wrong between them.

    On 18th of July the day after he blocked her, she have somehow contacted him and said that our relationship seems not good. (That
    I’m kind of toxic person) also she is worrying about him. She have asked him to rename her no in a guy’s name that I will not find that. Right after the argument my guy called her and said that they should stop texting and contacting each other, if not the relationship will be ended. She hanged up the call.

    On 08th of August again she wrote him a text from a new no. “That our relationship is toxic and I’m trying to isolate my guy from other people”. I never done that in 10 months. My guy also saying that I’m wrong that I went
    through his WhatsApp messages. I have shared my phone password and gave all kind access to him and never thought in a bad way. If I would have not checked the messages of course I would have not known that I was been kind of cheated all these months. I’m ready to forgive him but he kind of reacting that I cheated on him. don’t know to handle this situation and I feel heart broken.

    Am I wrong that I went through his text messages? He is guilt tripping me

    What is the decision can I make?

    Sorry for the long text.

  2. Avatar
    • Tired Wife
    • June 20, 2022
    Reply

    I have married a guy with a girl best friend and honestly, it’s tiring. He promised that he will prioritize me over that woman before we got married and he actually did. The thing is, the girl won’t stop bugging him even after we got married. She has been asking for meet-ups several times and we came out with all sorts of excuses. We don’t want to make it look like we want to cut off the friendship as it might make me look bad since they used to have this jealousy issue with my husband’s ex. I really wish he never befriended her in the first place so we can avoid all these hassles. She often asks my husband to hang out after work since his workplace is closer to where she lives but he would say that he could not leave me alone. She always makes me feel left out which I think is very disrespectful. All we can do right now is just give excuses whenever she asks to meet up. As of now, she always sends messages to my husband on Instagram which causes him to not post any stories as he does not want to make me upset whenever she replies to his stories. I feel bad for my husband but at the same time, I hate it so much when she always tries to communicate with him. We have been sending out hints so she would stop bugging him but it seems like she just wants to get more and more of his attention. The thing is she is also married and has a child but she can’t seem to get enough of my husband. My advice is, try to run away from any guy with a girl bestie. In my case, it is too late but I am thankful my husband is doing everything in my favor.

  3. Avatar
    • Paris
    • April 11, 2022
    Reply

    so me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years, and not once has his “bestfriend” who is a girl ever been mentioned to me, and now all of a sudden she’s on the scene, she’s got a very high opinion of me which I have no idea why as I havent for one moment said anything bad about her as I don’t even no her, he constantly tells me she’s just a friend, but I have a very strong feeling that she has feelings for him.
    She’s even gone as far to say to him that she’s happy for us both but doesn’t want our relationship to affect their friendship?
    I struggle because as I said she wasn’t mentioned for most of our relationship and now she’s suddenly there.

  4. Avatar
    • winter
    • April 5, 2022
    Reply

    hi um its just my bf is more comfortable to open all his problems to his gbf than me i mean i respect their friendship but shouldnt i be the one he opens up his problems with?

    1. Avatar
      • Hope
      • May 6, 2022
      Reply

      M’y thoughts Im having this issue

      1. Avatar
        • Alia
        • May 6, 2022
        Reply

        THATS WHAT IM SAYING THATS WHY IM HERE

    2. Avatar
      • bread
      • May 15, 2022
      Reply

      IM HAVING THIS TOO OMG

  5. Avatar
    • Sarah
    • July 11, 2021
    Reply

    Hi i’m confused with this whole bestie thing ,my bf posts his bf more than me. He doesn’t even post me atal just his bf , I don’t know what to do

  6. Avatar
    • Sunshine
    • April 19, 2021
    Reply

    I have known my boyfriend for five months now, and now he opens up to me that he has a female best friend who currently stays close to him.. am scared that she might turn my boyfriend away from me, but my boyfriend says he doesn’t like her, am I supposed to be scared? Or I should just believe him?

  7. Avatar
    • Lisa
    • November 24, 2020
    Reply

    this is a red flag. She is taking him away from you. This happened to me before, now he is my ex. What I learned is never dating a man having a best female friend. There is no real friendship between opposite genders, at least one has the feelings for the other. You never can win. Such a relationship is too complicated and tired.

  8. Avatar
    • Jesabel
    • November 12, 2020
    Reply

    I feel like this was written by a man lol

    1. Avatar
      • Dows
      • November 25, 2020
      Reply

      Right hahaha realistically if any man got the chance they’d sleep with their female friend. Most are just stuck in the friendzone. A man with a female BEST friend is an automatic no in my books he already has a girl he thinks so highly of them I’m not stepping in.

    2. Avatar
      • Hope
      • May 6, 2022
      Reply

      Agreed

  9. Avatar
    • Lyna
    • November 11, 2020
    Reply

    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for close to five years now and still counting, we recently had some issues where he finds it uncomfortable with me and my male friends at school from no where he has a female BBF who he automatically does everything with now including stuffs in my boyfriend’s house she is making changes in the house which i think it’s rightfully my duty as a girlfriend……they met few months ago and from then up till now it’s all about this so called “BFF” of his, they are always on phone talking to each other even when I’m around. My boyfriend keeps on telling me that she is only hi BFF but truth being told, i can’t stand it. She is now taking my boyfriend’s attention more, I can’t lie to myself I’m so jealous about that fact and i can’t help it anymore‍♀️

  10. Avatar
    • reznikof
    • October 20, 2020
    Reply

    i swear, why go through so much when he wont think about it even twice. companionship is more important to have a long lasting healthy relationship its not always about sex and kisses…if he feels like he finds much more solace in some other chick’s shit then so be it…ima let my mans go lmao

  11. Avatar
    • Utkarsha
    • August 23, 2020
    Reply

    My boyfriend’s best friend have somewhere feelings for my man and i know this very well. She often sees him daily. I honestly don’t doubt on my man because he made it clear that she is his bf as I am his gf and from 100% he talks 80% of his stuff with his female friend but the thing which makes me possisive is the interest of my man to visit his female bf often than as compared to visit me. It just makes me nervous sometimes….

    1. Avatar
      • Jessie
      • October 15, 2020
      Reply

      I had the same experience. Now my ex-bf is dating his BGF now. There is no pathetic love between man and woman. At least one loves the other romantically. Never date a man having a beast girl friend.

    2. Avatar
      • Mariyah
      • October 27, 2020
      Reply

      I guess you guys haven’t been dating that long, I get the feeling that your young as well. I find that this year people are visit g each other very less so what are the reasons he’s visiting her daily? How long have they known each other. Maybe you need to be honest with your boyfriend, ask him if he loves you more why does she get more time and attention?

  12. Avatar
    • Cheryl
    • May 2, 2020
    Reply

    Please give me a piece of advice, I’m very confused right now. I’m dating a guy for 3 years now. We had our challenge in our relationship. But still strong. He has a female BFF, who is also an Ex live in partner. He said he loves her and needs to take care of her, he told me she lacks a little brain due to an accident. To me I can see her perfectly fine, she drives, goes out buy food, cooks, and do a lot of normal people do. Recently, my boyfriend moved. He said he’s getting a house ready for a family. Becuase of the COVID-19 we are country apart. Ms. BFF is there every single day, helping him out. I’m thankful for that, but jealous too. She helped too much that she decides what to do inside the house, instead of me. Am I just being jealously paranoid ? We both know that she is in love with him. She send random text messages, asking if they are still possible to be together.

  13. Avatar
    • Liza
    • October 11, 2019
    Reply

    Honestly I don’t see the need of a guy having a female bestfriend, when he have a girlfriend.

  14. Avatar
    • Mary
    • May 29, 2019
    Reply

    My boyfriend’s best friend is a women. We have been in a long term relationship. But I have never met her. I thought I was ok with the friendship until he forgot my birthday and went to Niagara Falls with her.

    1. Avatar
      • sam
      • December 18, 2019
      Reply

      girl he met us both and got close to both of us and even more with me ofc because im the girlfriend. and we dated for two years, but we went through a breakup for a couple of months and reunited and now they’re close but she won’t stop bothering him!! so if you find out anything let me know 🙁

    2. Avatar
      • Gretchen Mallek
      • September 23, 2020
      Reply

      Then I’d say hes cheating on you with her

    3. Avatar
      • Mariyah
      • October 27, 2020
      Reply

      That’s not a good sign, of a guy is seriously into you, he would do anything for you and remember the most important details of your life. It’s time to lose this guy.

  15. Avatar
    • Lizzie
    • January 23, 2019
    Reply

    Ive known my boyfriend longer than hes known his best friend. We lost touch for a few years but recently reconnected and in that time he befriended her. Shes known to constantly have various boyfriends and uses my boyfriend for emotional support when her and her recent conquest breakup. They exchange i love yous and she frequently naps in his bed before she goes to her job (ive expressed how uncomfortable that made me). When im unavailable to hangout (largely due to lack of gas and transportation issues) he goes straight to her even if what he had planned was a couply thing. He makes no effort to rearrange things or make it so he comes to me so us hanging out if possible. Despite these negatives when we are together he’s very attentive and sweet. Im looking for advice and this article did nothing for me. Is there anyone out there that can offer some assistance? Am i right to be jealous? Be honest

    1. Avatar
      • Mariyah
      • October 27, 2020
      Reply

      Hi Lizzie, let’s turn the tables for him. You befriended a guy after dating your boyfriend, you exchanged I loves you with your male best friends, dump your boyfriend to spend time with your bff, how would that make your boyfriend feel? It’s obvious your boyfriend has very little regards or respect towards your relationship and his friend ship is far important. It’s time to ditch this relationship and get a serious mature one that doesn’t leave you questioning and feeling insecure.

  16. Avatar
    • Epiebel
    • September 3, 2018
    Reply

    Daily tips on how not to always feel paranoid with the mention of my boyfriend’s female best friend

  17. Avatar
    • Lauren
    • April 19, 2018
    Reply

    Here’s what you do about it get over it get over yourself he has a girl best friend so what get used to it she’s not going anywhere I hate other girls sometimes

  18. Avatar
    • Chevalier
    • November 30, 2017
    Reply

    So we have to do all this in order to accommodate his other woman… So much easier to just look for another guy. Not everything is about sex but do you really want someone who wants you mainly for the sex and his best woman friend is someone else? No, thanks. I want someone nice.

    1. Avatar
      • Melissa
      • March 3, 2020
      Reply

      Thank you!!!! You said it BEST thank you

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