Dysfunctional celebrity couples. Love them or hate them, they seem to be everywhere these days. Before you roll your eyes at the latest gossip magazine cover, let’s take a moment to look at what can be learned from these romantically doomed Hollywood couples:
Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick
The drama never stops with these two. This could have something to do with the fact that Scott is a certified douchetard. This guy is unbelievable. He goes on drunken tirades, punches walls and admits to belonging to a faux gang appropriately called the Scummers who enjoy videotaping each other having sex. Whereas most girls would walk out the door at wall punching, Kourtney keeps coming back for seconds. Actually, she does one better: she decides to procreate with this guy. Their relationship has become so unhealthy that it has created rifts between Kourtney and some of her family members.What we can learn here: If it walks like a douchebag, talks like a douchebag and makes sex tapes like a douchebag, most likely you’re dealing with a douchebag. We’ve all dated a guy at some point who wasn’t good for us. You live you learn. However, if it gets to the point where the person you are dating is causing the people around you to be concerned for your safety, it might be time to listen to them.
Eva Longoria and Tony Parker
Even though this pair is now on the road to D-I-V-O-R-C-E, once upon a time we had high hopes for this Hollywood couple. They always seemed so cute together. They had a fairytale star-studded wedding in Paris to die for. On the honeymoon Eva was photographed wearing a tracksuit embroidered with Mrs. Parker. Normally, this is the kind of couple would make us sick however, they actually seemed cute together so we let it slide. What happened?! We’re not sure but, we are guessing that now that it’s been revealed that Tony has a penchant for emotional cheating and sexting 19 year old models, if Eva isn’t regretting being photographed in that tracksuit she’s definitely regretting the his and hers tattoos. What we can learn here: We never really know what’s going on in other people’s relationships. What looks perfect on the outside might be quite the opposite. Also, expressing your love through monogrammed custom sportswear is just wrong. Eva, what were you thinking?
Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo
Ok, so Jessica has moved on from Romo to another ex-NFLer, her fiance Eric Johnson. But we are willing to bet she was waiting with bated breath for a ring from Tony Romo when they were together. When Jessica met Tony she had a successful singing career, a movie under her belt and her poster on the bedroom walls of horny teenage boys everywhere. Life was more or less good. Enter Tony Romo. We have this theory that this couple is like career kryptonite for each other. After Jessica started dating Tony, her career took a nose dive. She started singing country music, wearing ill-fitting high waisted jeans in public, got slammed by the media for her weight gain and became the official spokeswoman for Stampede Light a new ˜vitamin beer’ with functional additives. On the other hand, Quarterback Romo experienced his worst professional season to date while dating Simpson. No amount of magical beer could save this couple from themselves. What we can learn here: Sometimes the people we date can drag us down and de-motivate us. We’ve all had a romance that started off on a high note but ended with both parties spending hours sitting in their pajamas, eating Swiss Chalet delivery and watching back to back Law and Order re-runs in silence. Eventually there comes a point where you have to say to yourself This isn’t me and get off the couch.
Spencer and Heidi Pratt
When it comes to dysfunctional Hollywood couples, it is almost impossible to not mention these two. When we first met Spencer he was just your run of the mill possessive manipulative guy who was out to woo gullible, lovesick Heidi and then systemically alienate her from everyone in her life. After a few short years together this couple has morphed from being merely co-dependent to utterly bizarre. We’ve seen them get married twice, produce a debut album that is guaranteed to make your ears bleed, undergo disfiguring plastic surgery and fake a divorce. All the while we can’t help but look at Heidi and sing the tune of is she really going out with him? What we can learn here: If your friends keep telling you that your guy is bad news you might want to take a moment to listen to them, before you find yourself alone, with silicone basketballs strapped to your chest and surrounded by crystals.
