Women are often accused of being catty, gossipy and more dramatic than men. While this is far from a universal truth, our intensely communicative nature can bite us in the ass when drama “ even if it’s a rarity “ rears its ugly head. It doesn’t matter whether you think you’re in the wrong or even if it concerns you at all: it’s inevitable you’ll cameo in the scrap show at some point. Read on for how to avoid a starring role and ensure your spectacle doesn’t get renewed for another season.
Do carry on with business as usual. Don’t avoid the girls involved. Keep organizing group events and let them deal with any potential awkwardness on their own. If they can’t be civil in a group setting, continue seeing them separately, but refuse to participate in any bitchy venting unless they’re paying you by the hour.
Don’t play peacekeeper. It’s tempting to try to make everyone play nice when you’re stuck in the middle, but it’s too risky. You could get pulled in or accused of taking sides, and it’s emotionally exhausting to boot. Hop the emotional landmines and just stay mum.
Do put it in perspective. When you’re directly involved, it’s always wise to let the small stuff slide. That’s not to say you should set up camp at Doormat Dormitories, but reconsider your role after you’ve cooled off and try to put the incident in perspective with the rest of your relationship.
Don’t play telephone. Even if a friend’s volunteering to play peacekeeper, don’t involve mutual friends. Rehashing might seem harmless (especially when paired with a faux-rational tone) but this can easily snowball. Maybe it started over a comparison to Demi Lovato that was misheard as Danny Devito, but now it’s continuing because you said she actually is unappealingly squat behind her back.
Do leave the ball in their court. Once you’ve apologized or feel you’ve repaired your fair share, don’t indulge the sleeping dragon. If she starts to milk your mistake, calmly explain you’ve already done all you feel you can, and when she’s ready to accept that, she knows where to find you.
Don’t expect them to be mind readers. You may think you’ve apologized sufficiently, but without a sincere, literal I’m sorry, a well-intentioned attempt can easily get lost in translation. Make sure your apology is clear and straightforward. Also ask if there’s anything you can do to make up for it, if you’re feeling generous (a girls’ night missed is two happy hours earned).