Do you think you have bad luck when it comes to boyfriends? Well, there are some Hollywood jerks, like Spencer Pratt, that can make your ex-boyfriend seem like Prince Charming. We want you to steer clear of these jerks, so we’ve devised a watchdog list for these type of losers “ and where you could potentially run into them in real life.
1. John Mayer.
Why he’s bad news: Mayer isn’t exactly new on our douchebag radar but we have to give him a shout-out for coining the term Sexual Napalm. When Mayer went public to Playboy magazine about the sex life he shared with Jessica Simpson, he not only managed to compare her to a chemical warfare device, he also threw in some hard drug references, stating that she was like crack cocaine to him and that he wanted to snort her (sexy!). Sure its sometimes vindicating to hear from an ex that they thought sleeping with you was explosive and addicting however, it’s horrifying to hear this at the same time as the rest of the world. Not cool John. Maybe you need to stick to singing because this whole talking thing just isn’t working for you.
Where to meet a real life version of him: Go to any locker-room or bar and listen in on the conversations. If you hear a guy refer to his ex-girlfriend as a Sex-Grenade or say anything like Sex with her was so good, it made me want to just quit my life¦. Roll her up, stuff her into a crack pipe and smoke her “ you’ve found your man.
2. The Situation.
Why he’s bad news: As far as we know Mike The Situation Sorrentino is still single “ for a good reason. Our guess is that if he can’t commit to wearing a shirt, he probably can’t commit to a date. But don’t worry ladies, he’s too busy hooking up with all kinds of hot chicks that totally want the Situation to be your boyfriend. Yeah, that’s it.
Where to meet a real life version of him: Baking his skin to tangerine perfection at your local tanning salon, or in line behind you buying hair gel and laundry detergent in bulk. Or, you may have already met him. Remember that kid in your kindergarten class that had that uncanny bad habit of always speaking in the third person? Flash-forward twenty years and millions of ab crunches later; and you’ve got a full-blown situation on your hands.
3. Joe Francis.
Why he’s bad news: This guy is the creator behind the Girls Gone Wild video empire “ enough said. As if exploiting intoxicated, half-naked women on film wasn’t disgusting enough, Francis has recently been accused of physically attacking two of his female employees, one of whom was visibly pregnant. The craziest part of all this: His days on the single scene are numbered because someone actually wants to marry this skeeze. Patrick recently announced that he’s engaged. Christina McLarty, we wish you luck. Hopefully, if Joe gets up to his old tricks you’ll kick him where it hurts.
Where to meet a real life version of him: go to a bar while on Spring Break, order a drink and wait for the first guy to come up and ask you to take your shirt off. Bingo!
4. Scott Disick.
Why he’s bad news: Scott is Kourtney Kardashian’s baby daddy and anyone who has seen the show knows what kind of childish antics he’s capable of. Recently, he scored massive douche points after one of his old friends revealed that he used to belong to a gang, called the Scummers. While scummin’ it, Disick allegedly hooked up with girls while his friends (note, the plural) hid in the closet videotaping the scene and occasionally jumping out of the closet join in on the activities. If this doesn’t scream of total douchedom (and repressed homosexuality) we’re not sure what does. Also, is it just us or has anyone noticed that Disick totally has a case of the crazy eyes?! Can anyone say, Christian Bale in American Psycho? Kourtney Kardashian needs to run from this dude. Quick.
Where to meet a real life version of him: If you open up your closet and five guys & a camcorder tumble out onto your bedroom floor, chances are you have already met him.
5. Mel Gibson.
Why he’s bad news: Ladies, it doesn’t get much worse than this. His latest violent, misogynistic, C-bomb littered, racist tirade directed against his ex girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva is blatant evidence of his jerk behaviour. kSure, people say a lot of things in anger after they break up. However, Mel has managed to take it to a new scary, hateful, level.
Where to meet a real life version of him: We truly hope that doesn’t exist. However, if hate-filled presumably drunken rants are your thing, you might want to check out some local white supremacist meetings and then find out where those guys like to go for beer. Or, try hanging out in Hollywood.