Having the confidence to be assertive in bed is crucial if you want to keep your sex life hot and maintain a great relationship. Your partner isn't a mind reader and you can't expect them to know exactly what you want, when, and where. Helping him out is a win-win situation – it's helpful and sexy to be guided sometimes. Don't know where do you start? Here are some ideas for taking control in a way that will excite him, not bruise his ego.
What man doesn't love watching a woman touch themselves? During foreplay, say "it's so hot when you ___" or "I love watching you ____" and show him how hot you think it is by touching yourself. It'll boost his sexual confidence and let him know what you like.
Guide his hands
A simple way to be assertive in bed is to literally guide his hands to where you want them. Don't just stop when they reach the area you want, either. Make your pleasure a team effort. This will help him to know exactly how you like to be touched. Even if he's already doing a great job, doing this shows a prowess that will fire him up.
Tell him your fantasy
Don't wait for him to ask. Tell him! A lot of people feel intimidated or overwhelmed about doing this – "being uninhibited" is scary. What does he expect? Will he be freaked out? Will he be disappointed? Kick the anxiety around telling him your fantasy in the way you'd kick it with anything else – get prepared. Have a really clear idea of it in your mind. Write it out like a short story if you want. Then whisper it into his ear as it plays out in your mind.
Being unpredictable in bed is a surefire way to keep things interesting. Without mentioning it, surprise him mid foreplay by whipping a toy out of your bedside drawer. Let him discover some seriously saucy lingerie under your clothes. Better yet, don't wear anything under your clothes and guide his hand up your skirt in a public place and let him discover your commando style. This will spark his imagination.