Wow, I mean, I don’t know how any of us even showed up to work today because news came out of the Celebrity World last night that shook our regular normal one.
Calvin Harris and Taylor Swift have broken up.
Like, holy shit. And we’re expected to cope? To go on? To live? Well yes, obviously, since we do not know these people and I’m pretty sure I’m more invested in the cold cup of McDonalds coffee I’m currently drinking than any of us were in their relationship.
Right? I truly do not think anybody’s having a cry over Taylor and Calvin going their separate ways. (And if you are, let’s talk about why and what this is really about.) But until then, details.
First, they broke up. Second, Taylor’s BFF posted a weird and thirsty Instagram photo that would be make me very uncomfortable if any of my friends did that, ever. Holding a note card that reads, “My weird heart loves your weird heart” (#why), Abigail Anderson also captioned the post with the following sentiment:
“There are few things more significant or valuable than friendship that will withstand the test of time. Thank you for getting me. Always. @taylorswift.”
Anyway, to add insult to injury, yes: Taylor and Calvin have broken up after 15 months very loudly displaying their relationship. No one cheated, according to a source who spoke to People.
“There was no drama,” they said. “Things just don’t work out sometimes.”
Cool! Well there’s that, then. But like, okay. Here’s my theory. Are you ready for it? I don’t care, I’m telling you anyway: if you put your relationship on “WE’RE IN LOVE!!!!!” display, then I don’t think it’s got a shelf life. Is that bad? Am I bad? Maybe! But also think about it. Think about the couples you know that you like very much and who you hope last forever because they seem super into each other but also not weird about it. Like, sure, they post on Insta a bit and they’re cute in public, but are they going to go on a tropical vacay with a third party photographer to capture an anniversary? No. They do not. In fact, they are probably not going to do anything we saw Taylor and Calvin do because that relationship was a bit of a high school relationship nightmare come to life mixed with the line “This is my husband you don’t have a husband” from Bridesmaids.
So go forth, you crazy kids, and may we get a great album out of this from both of you. Or not. This isn’t a Jake Gyllenhaal situation, let’s be serious. I am 99% sure there were no scarves involved.