Today, Beyonce is 34: Let Us Celebrate Accordingly

It’s been a week for big news and heartbreaking headlines and, well, a lot of bad stuff. I mean, it’s been bad, guys. This week’s been hard. (I mean, life is hard and it will never not be, but still. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out, summer — so this week can go fuck itself.)

So today, we’re going to take a moment to celebrate. Because it’s Beyonce’s birthday. And that’s what we do.

I’ve always been a fan of Beyonce (because I’m not a demon). But I was shockingly indifferent about her music until last summer because maybe I am a demon. Obviously, by admitting this to you I run the risk of angering the Beygency, but for the sake of honesty and maintaining a relationship with you built on trust, I feel I can be honest: I needed to see her live to understand. And then I did. And things will never be the same.

Maybe you were at the On the Run tour. Maybe you weren’t. Maybe you were one of the friends I alienated by talking about it non-stop for the course of two to four months, give or take. Maybe you were someone who deserved my friendship by talking, too. Either way, I finally understood. She was a boss. The boss. Bigger-than-Springsteen levels of boss. And, as a woman officially four years younger than her (HOW) (I’VE ACHIEVED NOTHING), I finally plugged into the force that was Queen Bey. Through her music, dance moves, and keen business sense, she could save us all.


And so I wrote. I wrote as many Beyonce-related pieces I could, and I wore Beyonce merchandise on a regular basis. I wept upon her Vanguard performance at the VMAs, and I found myself more invested in the relationship between she and Jay Z than that of my own parents. (Because honestly, parents get old and argue. But Jay Z and Beyonce? They last forever.) I scrolled through the Beyonce online shop as often as possible, and nearly purchased a back-to-school kit despite me not having attended school in half a decade. And then she released her video with Nicki Minaj, and my dreams came true.

Now, we wait.

Wait to die, wait to live, wait for an absolution that will never come. (JK it totally will, but lest we forget that Titanic quote — what a beauty.) It’s been nearly two years since Beyonce (the album) was dropped onto our laps, forever changing the game and the people who play it. Our worlds are different now. Our souls are different now. We don’t accept garbage or nonsense anymore. We have one true queen.

Today that queen turns 34. So if you have a minute — any minute, at any point — please raise your glasses in the air, take a sip, and then take another one to forget that Jay Z’s verse in “Drunk in Love” was so, so odd. Which is why Beyonce is great: because she let him try.

beyonce drunk in love

Tags: Anne T. Donahue, beyonce, Jay-Z

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