LOST: Miranda Kerr’s Muscle Mass

Okay I know we all like to have a few laughs around here, but something very serious is happening: Miranda Kerr is losing her muscle mass. Why? Because she's not having enough sex.

I . . . okay. Wait, let me report on the facts before I allow us all to take one enormous step back and offer the greatest shrugging emoticon known to the human race because this is rich. First things first: yes, Miranda Kerr is "dating and loving it," but no, she doesn't have one night stands, so her life has basically just gone to shit.

"One thing I've noticed is now that I'm having less sex my body isn't as toned," she told GQ. "The more sex I have, the more defined my arms and stomach get."

Thank you for sharing, Miranda Kerr! Oh, you'd like to share more? Alright, please for the love of all that is good do not let me stop you.

"I always ask for a critique on my performance," she continued. "I always want to better myself in every way."

Cool. As cool as her admission that she's had an orgasm in the air "alone" and "together"? Who even knows anymore. Sure! Yes, it's exactly as cool. Guys, I mean, hey. You want to treat sex as an excuse to bail on your YMCA membership, go for it. But, can we just not Miranda Kerr? Can we just take a moment to understand what atrophy really is, and how one's lack of regular sex doesn't exactly fall under the umbrella of "this is a real problem"? 

It's not a real problem! Girl, buy some weights! That's all you have to do! Or, yes, you could talk about how hard life is to a magazine read by millions of people who, say, are trying to make ends meet (or battle any number of actual grown-up problems). Sure. And we thought Goop circa 2012 was bad. 

Tags: gq, Miranda Kerr, muscle mass, sex

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