Hey everyone, so I know we all like to keep things light around here, but I’m going to break from tradition and get super-real for a hot second: I care about Jacob Tremblay’s well-being more than any of yours.
It’s true. When you tell me what’s new and exciting, I could care a fraction of how much I care about anything Jacob Tremblay does. He is our son. Our wee baby child. He is the future, he is adorable. And I would walk to the ends of the earth to maintain his happiness for as long as humanly possible.
Which brings me to my next point: he got a puppy, and he named it Rey. Like, from Star Wars. No, look at me and listen up because I’m not kidding, so don’t you dare smile and say “Aw . . .” and move on. This precious child named his tiny, baby, little puppy REY TREMBLAY. REY. TREMBLAY. Honestly. How dare he. I don’t have children, but I am 100% certain that I will not care as much about the happiness about my own children if and when I have them as I do about the well-being of this tiny boy and his little glasses.
And this is the realest thing I’ve ever said. Seriously, when I think about it, I care more about ensuring Jacob Tremblay’s happiness more than:
– My own happiness
– 85% of my family members
– Jared Leto’s Joker (obviously)
– Captain America: Civil War
– Any/all deadlines
– Twitter RTs
– Twitter likes
– Anything that has ever happened on Facebook, ever
– Famous people’s Snapchats
– That I have to pay an extra $25 to my accountant because I was too lazy to walk to my car and get a form I left in it and scan it two weeks ago when it was due
– That I’m waiting on like, eight paycheques because freelance life is the life I’ve chosen
– New clothes or shoes
– Why my cat’s meowing so loudly right now
– JK, I care a lot I had to go check (nothing — it was literally about nothing)
– Any of the guys I have crushes on
– What so-and-so meant when she said that thing in that tone the other day (what is your deal, so-and-so?)
– The Toronto Blue Jays
– Okay, that was an exaggeration I’m sorry
– 50% of the Toronto Blue Jays
– Leonardo DiCaprio’s new girlfriend
– Leonardo DiCaprio not following me back on Twitter
– Leonardo DiCaprio’s Oscar
– My husband, Leonardo DiCaprio
Jacbob Tremblay, myself and the people of the Internet are here for you always.