I Care About Jacob Tremblay More Than Any Of You

Hey everyone, so I know we all like to keep things light around here, but I’m going to break from tradition and get super-real for a hot second: I care about Jacob Tremblay’s well-being more than any of yours.

It’s true. When you tell me what’s new and exciting, I could care a fraction of how much I care about anything Jacob Tremblay does. He is our son. Our wee baby child. He is the future, he is adorable. And I would walk to the ends of the earth to maintain his happiness for as long as humanly possible.

Which brings me to my next point: he got a puppy, and he named it Rey. Like, from Star Wars. No, look at me and listen up because I’m not kidding, so don’t you dare smile and say “Aw . . .” and move on. This precious child named his tiny, baby, little puppy REY TREMBLAY. REY. TREMBLAY. Honestly. How dare he. I don’t have children, but I am 100% certain that I will not care as much about the happiness about my own children if and when I have them as I do about the well-being of this tiny boy and his little glasses.

And this is the realest thing I’ve ever said. Seriously, when I think about it, I care more about ensuring Jacob Tremblay’s happiness more than:

– My own happiness

– 85% of my family members

– Jared Leto’s Joker (obviously)

– Captain America: Civil War

– Any/all deadlines

– Money

– Twitter RTs

– Twitter likes

– Anything that has ever happened on Facebook, ever

– Famous people’s Snapchats

– That I have to pay an extra $25 to my accountant because I was too lazy to walk to my car and get a form I left in it and scan it two weeks ago when it was due

– That I’m waiting on like, eight paycheques because freelance life is the life I’ve chosen

– New clothes or shoes

– Why my cat’s meowing so loudly right now

– JK, I care a lot I had to go check (nothing — it was literally about nothing)

– Any of the guys I have crushes on

– What so-and-so meant when she said that thing in that tone the other day (what is your deal, so-and-so?)

– The Toronto Blue Jays

– Okay, that was an exaggeration I’m sorry

– 50% of the Toronto Blue Jays

– Leonardo DiCaprio’s new girlfriend

– Leonardo DiCaprio not following me back on Twitter

– Leonardo DiCaprio’s Oscar

– My husband, Leonardo DiCaprio

Jacbob Tremblay, myself and the people of the Internet are here for you always.