So I know I can’t be alone when I say that one of the only beacons of hope in a world turned upside-down is Stranger Things, the Netflix series that I love so much I am considering trying to adopt it and raise it as my own child (who I would subsequently name “Eleven”).
ICYM anything/everything, the series stars Winona Ryder (my Mom) as an actual mom whose son goes missing, likely at the hands of aliens or something else entirely strange. I would try to elaborate on the plot, but I would ruin it for everybody, but I will say this: it’s like, the perfect eighties horror film, but spread out over about eight hours and still not long enough. Also, the girl who plays Eleven is goals. Actual life goals. (Like, not her backstory, but her rise to power. TV right now is all about women #rising #the #fuck #up and I am #here #for #it.)
So watch it, please, and get back to me.
Also! Let’s talk about ways to distract yourself from reality this week. Because goddamn, this shit is bleak. So look, might I suggest an open thread? May we all gather ’round and share the ways in which we’re allowing our brains a rest for a hot second? Yes? Okay cool I’ll get it started. Here’s how I’m telling myself “It’s fine, really — this is good” while the world burns down around us all.
– I go to Twitter and make fun of Donald Trump’s air kiss
– I go to Twitter and make fun of Donald Trump’s small hands
– I go to Twitter and laugh and everybody’s jokes we’re making despite wanting to lay down, curl up, cry, then cry some more
– I do my work outside on my front stoop because in my head this means I am the Queen of Summertime
– I drink a cold brew and tell myself this basically makes me a Jenner
– I Snapchat my day and tell myself this basically makes me a Kardashian
– I think of how tense it is at Taylor’s house right now and how Tom Hiddleston is probably trying so hard to be upbeat and fun and she’s like “Honestly, Tom? Fuck off right now”
– I swat away the wasps that have descended on me and my cold brew
– I think of how Taylor Swift and her wasp pals would hate me if we met IRL and I feel fundamentally good about that
– I look for the wasp nest around my house even though I for sure won’t do anything about it because are you kidding me? I’ve seen My Girl
– I return to my stoop and think, “Jesus, it’s hot out”
– I soldier on
– I wonder if Tom Hiddleston is telling himself to soldier on
– I wonder if he’s Neil Patrick Harris or Ben Affleck in Taylor Swift’s Gone Girl narrative
– I hope it is the latter, and then feel bad for being so cynical
– Just kidding, I never feel bad for being cynical and then I Google the age of Leonardo DiCaprio’s newest girlfriend
– I make a face, and then think “It’s only a matter of time before we fall in love”
– I realize the intense heat from working outside on my stoop is making me delusional
– I pass out, one sip left of my cold brew