Why Your Boyfriend Is Not Your Best Friend

by Shannon Christie
13 years ago
Relationships
12 comments

“You may really enjoy each other’s company, but no man is capable of being your best friend.” “ Chelsea Handler, #1 bestie to Jennifer Aniston and brutal truth-teller.

She’s so right! How are you supposed to stay hot for your guy if you’d rather debate the latest Us Weekly ‘Who Wore It Best’ poll than rip his clothes off? Telling people that your boyfriend is your best friend is like advertising that you have a boring sex life and zero friends. Everyone needs that balanced equation of separate lover + bestie to be sane and happy.

For instance, have you ever discussed the pros and cons of dry shampoos with your boyfriend? Have you recently asked his advice on whether to jump on this season’s colour-blocking bandwagon? Did you share a box of Kleenex with your guy during Oprah’s final send-off at the United Centre? If you answered yes to any of the above, your love life is in serious danger!

Your boyfriend will always take a “fine” at face value, even when you respond in an obviously angry tone. Cue your best friend who will listen sympathetically while you vent until your irritation wears off, so you can calmly resolve your lover’s quarrel. Without a separate best friend, you might have simmered to the boiling point and caused an even bigger blow-up, or worse, swallowed your anger only to have it pop back up again in an even bigger fight later on!

Neither of these outcomes are going help your relationship stay intact, which is why we’ve created a handy primer for anyone struggling with the separate roles and responsibilities of boyfriend vs best friend:

1. Painting each other’s toes: BEST FRIEND
2. Painting your new apartment: BOYFRIEND
3. Holding your hand during your first eyebrow waxing: BEST FRIEND
4. Holding your hand during Shark Night 3D: BOYFRIEND
5. Empathizing when that stylist totally lied about being a balayage expert: BEST FRIEND
6. Empathizing when your landlord totally lied about fixing that leak: BOYFRIEND
7. Staying up all night planning your imaginary wedding(s): BEST FRIEND
8. Staying up all night doing everything but talking: BOYFRIEND

Do you believe in having a separate boyfriend and best friend?

 

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Tags: balayage, best friend, bestie, boring sex life, boyfriend, chelsea handler, colour-blocking, dry shampoo, eyebrow waxing, friends, good relationship, Jen Aniston, oprah, quarrel, Shannon Christie, Shark Night 3D, US Weekly

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Comments

    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I agree with you. The key word is maturity here. Really. Men and women act like we are in preschool and the opposite sex is “yucky” or forgein and that we can “never understand the opposite sex”. Honestly! we are all just people. If your man/woman is not your best friend after a while, rethink your relationship and find someone who you actually have chemistry with.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    ya kinda got to be an idiot to buy into this crap. How the hell do you plan of staying married to someone who ISN’T your best friend? Someone who you don’t feel comfortable sharing your secrets with? Honestly, that sounds very sad to me and I would want no part in it. People who claim that you can’t be best friends with your signifigant other are people who have closed minds and generally fall victim to the idea that the genders have their own little “clubs” where boys or girls have cooties. Get over it. Get over the idea that because one human being has a hole and one has a funny looking long thingy, that that automatically makes them completely incapatable as friends. Does that make even the slightest logical sense? Why are people such idiots? Who the hell is this Chelsea woman anyway? Oh yeah. Some bimbo who got famous through her husband. yawn.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I complete agree.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I have made the mistake of trying to vent to my boyfriend about work and stuff and he inevitably reacts as if I’m the problem! A best friend would never say “I don’t think she meant it that way” and try to minimize your outrage, a best friend always takes your side first and asks questions later.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I don’t think the article is implying that all girls are “girly and preppy.” The examples given are obviously just that, examples. Whether you are into US Magazine or the stock market isn’t the point. I’m sure there are, indeed, people out there who share everything with their partners and are best friends and still have a passionate romantic life. I personally haven’t met them yet, but it’s certainly possible. Any couples I’ve met who share everything and spend excessive amounts of time together are a little creepy, to be perfectly honest. The relationship always seems more like an obsession than a partnership. I enjoy spending time with my husband, we share a lot of interests, and have a lot of laughs together. However, I wouldn’t call him my best friend. I think those lines got crossed somewhere along the way. There are just certain things I am not interested in sharing with him (and I’m confident he’s not interested in having them shared either) that are reserved for my chats with girlfriends. I guess my point is basically that best friends and boyfriends have lots of qualities and duties that may overlap at times, but the best relationships are ones in which each person has their relationship with each other, while still understanding that there are certain things that should be left to the friend department.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    This is so seemingly cliche. This clearely seperates the things men and women do, when in fact not all women are ‘girly and preppy’ and if they are not girly they can easily do everything with their man. This article seems too unrealistic. A relationship with a man isnt all physical. You should be able to talk to him instead of constantly ripping his clothes off. This article also shows that men and women cannot be best friends. In a mature relationship, your boyfriend is your best friend because you share everything with him, respect him, and love him, romantically and physically.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Wow, you can easily do everythign with your man? Girls shouldn’t ditch thier girlfriends when a guy comes on the scene.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I complete agree.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I have made the mistake of trying to vent to my boyfriend about work and stuff and he inevitably reacts as if I’m the problem! A best friend would never say “I don’t think she meant it that way” and try to minimize your outrage, a best friend always takes your side first and asks questions later.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I don’t think the article is implying that all girls are “girly and preppy.” The examples given are obviously just that, examples. Whether you are into US Magazine or the stock market isn’t the point. I’m sure there are, indeed, people out there who share everything with their partners and are best friends and still have a passionate romantic life. I personally haven’t met them yet, but it’s certainly possible. Any couples I’ve met who share everything and spend excessive amounts of time together are a little creepy, to be perfectly honest. The relationship always seems more like an obsession than a partnership. I enjoy spending time with my husband, we share a lot of interests, and have a lot of laughs together. However, I wouldn’t call him my best friend. I think those lines got crossed somewhere along the way. There are just certain things I am not interested in sharing with him (and I’m confident he’s not interested in having them shared either) that are reserved for my chats with girlfriends. I guess my point is basically that best friends and boyfriends have lots of qualities and duties that may overlap at times, but the best relationships are ones in which each person has their relationship with each other, while still understanding that there are certain things that should be left to the friend department.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    This is so seemingly cliche. This clearely seperates the things men and women do, when in fact not all women are ‘girly and preppy’ and if they are not girly they can easily do everything with their man. This article seems too unrealistic. A relationship with a man isnt all physical. You should be able to talk to him instead of constantly ripping his clothes off. This article also shows that men and women cannot be best friends. In a mature relationship, your boyfriend is your best friend because you share everything with him, respect him, and love him, romantically and physically.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Wow, you can easily do everythign with your man? Girls shouldn’t ditch thier girlfriends when a guy comes on the scene.

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