It’s 4am. You’re tipsy and your ferocious appetite is far outweighing your desires to diet. Here’s what your late-night, post-bar, pre-sunrise snack says about you:
You’re carb loading because you’ve gotten so drunk that you know that if you don’t, you’re going to end up with your head in the toilet before the night is out. Also you have zero shame walking home with an entire large pizza slung on your hip. A girl needs something for breakfast, right?
You live on the subway line and have little imagination. Also, you are drunk enough that you have no concept of the fact that you are going to feel awful for the remainder of the evening and most of the day tomorrow. Good luck with that.
You drank Jagerbombs all night giving you ample energy to make your way all the way into Chinatown for a full-blown sit down meal that involves 12 dishes and another four hours of your time. The sun will be up by the time you get home, but hey, that’s just how you roll.
You spent the night at the local hotspot drinking craft beer and talking to guys who were wearing skinny jeans and/or a douchey blazer. You like trendy things, like pulled pork and bacon on your poutine and you are almost “so over this place”.
Your feet hurt, you have a headache, and you needed to be home like 25 minutes ago. You are so over the night at hand and you want the fastest food option with the littlest amount of effort possible. Added bonus, they will still serve you if you decide to kick off your shoes and walk around barefoot.
You are definitely going home alone tonight. There is no way any girl stops for Burritos on their way home (from a night that involved 17 gin and tonics) with any remote hope that they will be sharing a bed with anyone.
You’re that health conscious girl we all wish we could be – the one who drank vodka waters all night (because they keep you hydrated and have minimal calories!) and is still sober enough to understand that anything more than a six-inch veggie sub will cause you to wake up with a serious case of the bloats. Also, you clearly don’t understand the concept of drunk food. Therefore you have failed us as women.
You, my dear, have your priorities straight.