Halloween Related Life Advice

Somewhere between the the first Halloween Parade of Greenwich Village in ’74 and the cult phenomena Mean Girls, Halloween became the universal holiday of scantily clad debauchery. Now as much as we love our yearly hormone fuelled fete, we have some words of advice to help you safely get through the day the world becomes a sparsely clothed zoo.

There‘s no such thing as a slutty cat

Let’s be clear, there is a difference between a sexy Halloween costume and a slutty one. Allow us to elaborate: dressing as something inherently titillating like Princess Leia or Wonderwoman is sexy, but transforming something unsexy like a cat into a symbol of promiscuity by choosing to abandon one’s pants is slutty. We suggest inject some creativity into your costume instead of trying to sexify a Disney character, nun, or an Ebola nurse.

Turn your walk of shame into a march of pride

The difference between a walk of shame into a march of pride is confidence. Stand out from the pack of giraffes, slutty teachers, and Harry Potters and own the fact that you just got laid.

Cultural appropriation is never a good idea

Headdresses, black face, turbans, etc are not cool. Not during Coachella, not at a frat party, and not on Halloween. So save yourself the angry stares from diners at the 24 hour shawarma shop, and just don’t dress like an Arab sheikh.

You will regret your drunken decision to go to McDonalds

¦ probably more than hooking up with the Khal Drogo you just woke up next to.

Absinthe does not make the heart grow fonder

Never trust the guy who shows up with Absinthe. Never.

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