Fall Is Here: Do These Things Or Fail The Season (Forever)

Well everybody, summer is over and we hate it now and it’s not welcome around these parts for at least nine months when we’re screaming for a reprieve from spring and its un-trustworthiness. (That is a word I just made up and I dare you to challenge me.) Mainly: it’s the first day of autumn and if you’re not guzzling pumpkin spice lattes and burning several apple-scented candles simultaneously, you are already behind the rest of us and please get with the times.

So because I care about you and am also amazing, I have made it my personal mission not to let you fall behind the autumn equinox. In short: here are all the things you must do to live your best fall life, so you are welcome in advance and don’t you dare @ me.

How to live your best fall:

– Remind everybody today that it’s fall

– Exclaim how much you love fall, even when you’re told, “Yeah I know, man, you just told me”

– Drape yourself in neutrals

– Drape yourself in layers

– Drape yourselves in drapes, like the outfits the Von Trapp children wear in The Sound of Music

– Call it “autumn” just to sound more season-appropriate

– But use “fall” when you’re being mindful of your 140 characters

– Watch The Fall (it’s a great show)

– Wear a scarf even if it’s far too warm

– Go apple-picking even though you’ll eat like, maybe three of the apples you’ve picked out of the barrel

– Instagram a colourful tree as if colourful trees are a rare moment in our Canadian landscape

– Ask someone to take a photo of you under a tree and then ask somebody else to take another photo because the first one wasn’t really that great

– Talk about Halloween like it isn’t the most exhausting night of the year

– Pretend the boxes of Halloween candy you’re buying are for trick-or-treaters and will not be parked beside your bed to accompany American Horror Story or any other show

– Panic, realizing you have a maximum six weeks to wear the fall shoes you spent all summer accumulating

– Panic, realizing that we will soon all descend into a winter hell-scape

– Laugh maniacally and bury that fear with an early enthusiasm for Christmas (November 1)

– Tell everybody how over fall you are once it’s no longer Halloween and it’s cool and rainy all the time, which is what fall actually is

– Remind everybody how  much you love Christmas

Happy Autumnal Equinox, precious treasures!

Tags: Anne T. Donahue, topstory

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