Well everybody, summer is over and we hate it now and it’s not welcome around these parts for at least nine months when we’re screaming for a reprieve from spring and its un-trustworthiness. (That is a word I just made up and I dare you to challenge me.) Mainly: it’s the first day of autumn and if you’re not guzzling pumpkin spice lattes and burning several apple-scented candles simultaneously, you are already behind the rest of us and please get with the times.
So because I care about you and am also amazing, I have made it my personal mission not to let you fall behind the autumn equinox. In short: here are all the things you must do to live your best fall life, so you are welcome in advance and don’t you dare @ me.
How to live your best fall:
– Remind everybody today that it’s fall
– Exclaim how much you love fall, even when you’re told, “Yeah I know, man, you just told me”
– Drape yourself in neutrals
– Drape yourself in layers
– Drape yourselves in drapes, like the outfits the Von Trapp children wear in The Sound of Music
– Call it “autumn” just to sound more season-appropriate
– But use “fall” when you’re being mindful of your 140 characters
– Watch The Fall (it’s a great show)
– Wear a scarf even if it’s far too warm
– Go apple-picking even though you’ll eat like, maybe three of the apples you’ve picked out of the barrel
– Instagram a colourful tree as if colourful trees are a rare moment in our Canadian landscape
– Ask someone to take a photo of you under a tree and then ask somebody else to take another photo because the first one wasn’t really that great
– Talk about Halloween like it isn’t the most exhausting night of the year
– Pretend the boxes of Halloween candy you’re buying are for trick-or-treaters and will not be parked beside your bed to accompany American Horror Story or any other show
– Panic, realizing you have a maximum six weeks to wear the fall shoes you spent all summer accumulating
– Panic, realizing that we will soon all descend into a winter hell-scape
– Laugh maniacally and bury that fear with an early enthusiasm for Christmas (November 1)
– Tell everybody how over fall you are once it’s no longer Halloween and it’s cool and rainy all the time, which is what fall actually is
– Remind everybody how much you love Christmas
Happy Autumnal Equinox, precious treasures!