For some, Halloween is a time of year that offers an opportunity to pretend to be someone else. Many people spend weeks (months…?) planning an elaborate disguise that outdoes last year’s costume. For others* (*me), Halloween is not something that crosses the mind at at all. That is, until it’s time to go to a party.
Generally, I try to avoid dressing up for Halloween at all costs. I find the whole ordeal overwhelming and stressful, and I feel instantly defeated by the idea of putting together a costume before I’ve even thought of a wig to wear. This is just the type of person I am.
I usually steer clear of any and all costume parties at any time of the year. However, every now and then, around the week leading up to Hallow’s eve, I find myself feeling that FOMO about this year’s big (costume, ugh) party.
If you’re anything like me, you haven’t had a second thought about what you’re going to dress as for Halloween, and therefore will be hard pressed to find something to throw something together at the last minute. If you find yourself plagued by the stresses of trying to fashion a half-assed Halloween costume at the end of a long day of work, you’re in luck. There are several items in your very own office that you can use to create an excellent* (*passable) costume for yourself.
Whatever costume you decide to throw together, know that the key ingredient to any shoddy disguise is hard-headed confidence. If anyone questions you about your very fashionable choices, your best bet is to blaze ahead without a second thought. It’s your arrogance about your costume that will justify it most effectively. Remember, nobody really cares what an adult wears to a costume party (costume parties are for children).
Fake it with makeup
Lucky you! As a woman in this world, you’ve likely found yourself tethered to the unattainable beauty standards that find you smearing skin-coloured goo under your eyes each morning in an attempt to appear “fresh”. All the extra money you’ve spent on makeup products will come in handy this season. If you have any basic makeup items floating around in the bottom of your purse, you’re laughing. Grab that eyeliner and lipstick and apply ‹liberally. Paint that mug to resemble the following options: a clown, a Real Housewife (of British Columbia?), Edvard Munch’s The Scream, or an abstract Jackson Pollock painting (you don’t even need a mirror for this one). If anyone asks what you are, reply with the subtlest amount of disdain that they were not cultured enough to recognize such a well-thought-out costume. Peasants.
Use your technological devices
If you’re looking around the office at the end of a long day, at a loss as to what items you could possibly take advantage of to create a believable costume for yourself, look no further than your own computer and glasses. Pick up your laptop, throw on your glasses, boom, you’re a Hacker. Don’t need glasses? Pop the lenses out of your sunglasses, hello! If anyone questions you, tell them you know all their passwords.
Head to the bathroom
If you find yourself without purse-makeup and aren’t feeling the Hacker idea, look no further than your own bathroom. Toilet paper costumes will never steer you wrong, and the best part about them is that there are bathrooms EVERYWHERE. You can truly put this costume together on the go. As for costume ideas, the possibilities are endless. There is, of course, the traditional mummy: wrap yourself head-to-toe in toilet paper and voila. If you’re feeling a little adventurous, you could wrap just your torso and go as pageant contestant, Miss Cottonelle (you’re welcome). Feeling more confident? Simply take a piece of toilet paper, stick it to the bottom of your shoe and go as yourself when you’re stressed out.
Get inspired by the Royal Wedding
Remember the fashion revolution that was inspired by the outrageous fascinators worn by the guests of Kate Middleton and Prince William’s Royal Wedding in 2011? There were ill-placed feathers and abstract shapes atop many a coiffed-head. A comprehensive solution to your costume needs can be solved by grabbing a coffee mug from the communal kitchen, and fastening it to your head with a headband. Voila–you are Royalty.
Rock a prop
Every workplace has at least three rogue umbrellas that have been left behind after the sun came back out. If you find yourself in a pickle, grab one of these umbrellas and throw it over your shoulder and enter the party with confidence. If anyone asks you what your costume is, open the umbrella really quickly and scream, “I’M BAD LUCK.” If you’re feeling cute, feel free to soft-shoe away under your umbrella like Gene Kelly. At the end of the party, abandon the umbrella at the host’s home for it to find a new owner. This is the natural life of an umbrella.
