To some, casual sex with a friend may seem like a great idea. You get to hook up with someone that you care about and trust, without the added pressure of being in a relationship. But for others, this arrangement can be confusing, and can get messy “ fast.
If you are thinking about being FWB with someone, here are a few things you should ask yourself first:
Are you both on the same page?
One of the main reasons FWB doesn’t work is if feelings develop, leaving one of the parties wanting more. Make sure that you are both okay with the situation, and that neither of you want to secretly date each other.
Will you be able to handle having a FWB?
If you’re in the stage of your life where you just want to have fun, aren’t ready for a commitment, and/or don’t have time to seriously date anyone, then FWB is probably a good idea. But, if you’re the kind of person who’s into PDA, needs constant attention, and get jealous easily, FWB is not for you. Be honest with yourself. Will you get jealous if he’s talking to other girls? Will it upset you if he doesn’t text you all the time or doesn’t want to cuddle? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then don’t get involved.
Are you okay with your friendship with the person potentially being ruined?
It’s important to realize that being FWB puts your friendship at risk. Though you both may feel fine with the situation initially, things can get messy without either of you even realizing it. We are naturally programmed to associate sex with love. Because of this, feelings can easily develop leaving you (or him) wanting more. And if the other person doesn’t reciprocate those feelings, the friendship can go down the drain.
If, after considering these questions, you think you are capable of being FWB here are a few rules of thumb to follow:
Set ground rules
As previously mentioned, make sure you both are always on the same page. Lay everything out on the table, and be sure to discuss what this arrangement will consist of. Will you hook up with other people? And if so, will you stick to a don’t ask don’t tell policy? How often will you see each other? Is it okay to sleep over? Will you be each other’s dates to special events? It’s important to make everything clear from the start, to avoid any problems in the future.
Be considerate
As with any relationship or friendship, it’s important to respect one another and be considerate of each other’s needs feelings. This will avoid any resentful feelings, and will help to preserve the friendship, even after you’ve cut ties.
Be honest with each other
In order to make it work with your FWB, you both need to be honest with each other at all times. Don’t be afraid to speak up about any changing needs (ie. letting your FWB know about a new love interest you’ve met, or coming clean about any feelings that may have arisen). Letting your FWB know about what is working for you and what isn’t is imperative to keep the arrangement going strong “ and to avoid any feelings of hurt or resentment.
Realize that there’s an expiry date
If this arrangement were to keep on going, you’d be dating. And having said that¦
Know when to end it
If you find yourself getting jealous over little things (a harmless text message from another girl, for example), then it’s probably time to cut things off. Be honest with your FWB, and let him know how you feel. There is a chance that he has started to develop feelings for you too, and perhaps your arrangement could turn into a relationship. But, maybe not. Either way, if you recognize any jealous behaviour, break it off sooner than later, before anyone gets hurt.
Have fun!
Having a FWB isn’t meant to be stressful “ in fact, it should be the opposite! Remember that you’ve decided on a friends with benefits arrangement, not a no strings attached. That means, you guys can go out and still do things friends would normally do “ see a movie, watch a hockey game, etc. Just make sure that when you’re out together, you stick to rules you established earlier.
Have you had a FWB? How did it work out?
