Beyonce, “Run The World (Girls)”
A world run by girls is characterized by the following: fierce posing, sexy military uniforms and what appears to be a complete lack of infrastructure, economy or vegetation. On the plus side, we’d have hyenas on chain leashes and exploding cars and excellent lighting!
Lady Gaga, “Judas”
If the name of the song and the subtle religious undertones in the lyrics are over your head, maybe this crown of thorns and leather jacket labeled JUDAS will lend some understanding. Are you shocked? ARE YOU SHOCKED?!
Rihanna, “California King Bed”
Once you’ve run out of material for an album, you can start writing songs about the objects around you. Well-organized walk-in closet will be the next hot jam she drops. Also, I’d really like to see her nails filed down to a nice, tasteful rounded square, wouldn’t you?
Chris Brown, “Look at me Now”
Be like the music industry and forget about the fact that he once beat the crap out of Ri-ri. Instead, focus on the fact that he’s dancing in an abandoned parking garage while wearing SKI GOGGLES. Now you can hate him all over again.
Nicki Minaj, “Super Bass”
Somewhere, Lil Kim is crying into a Papa John’s pizza box and listening to Bruce Springsteen’s Glory Days. Meanwhile, Nicki Minaj is making funny faces and grinding on dudes under a black light. And the world spins on.