Ever feel like you’re just not getting through to your man, no matter what approach you take?
Every good relationship hinges on healthy communication “ but it won’t work if one of person is talking (you) and the other’s not listening (him). Read on for a few tips on how to get him to really pay attention the next time you have something important to say.
Make your point quickly
If you start out with a long intro, you’ve lost him before you’ve even begun. Often, when we talk to our girlfriends, we provide background because that’s what we enjoy “ it matters to detail-oriented ladies just how bitchy your co-worker is, right down to her dragon nails and bitchy hair.
Most likely your guy doesn’t care about these tidbits, and his mind may start to drift before you make your point.
Try not to be confrontational
If you sense he’s not giving you his undivided attention, he certainly won’t be any more inclined to listen if you launch into a tirade of his faults. This will get his back up (as it would yours), and he’ll immediately start thinking about his defense instead of listening.
Start with a compliment
This may sound corny but it’ll get his attention and automatically soften your message. Try something like, I know you are working really hard to advance at work because you are so ambitious, and I love that about you, but¦ This is a much more effective way of cushioning a critique.
Remember your differences
If women relish in the salacious details of a story, then men like to identify the problem and brainstorm a solution. You assume he’s not listening, but his mind may in fact be leaping ahead to figure out how to solve your problem.
If you just need him to listen and support and not necessarily find a solution, then try not to frame your story as a problem in need of resolution. The less you engage his fix-it gene, the more likely he is to listen.
Don’t always assume the worst
Some people are just plain forgetful or easily distracted. He’s probably not deliberately tuning you out or letting certain details slip his mind, so treat him with kindness and patience as much as possible.
Talk to him naked
Obviously this isn’t the best strategy for serious discussions on your finances or the future. On the upside, it should hold his attention. Although there’s no guarantee his mind won’t wander “ but at least it will be in a direction you’ll appreciate. There’s always time for talk later.
What’s your secret for getting your man to pay attention? What frustrates you most about communicating with your guy? Tell us “ we promise we’ll listen.