After a painful and vicious breakup, it’s easy to analyze what you could have done differently during the relationship. You spend many hours thinking to yourself over and over again, I shouldn’t have done thatΒ or If I had said it like this instead, then maybe we’d still be together.Β This in turn develops into a blame game…with yourself.
Re-writing reality
One of the most common post-breakup habits is to play out old scenarios of you and your boyfriend in your head. Instead of replaying the scene the exact same way as when it first happened, you play out your actions differently. You imagine yourself being able to easily brush off the way he spoke to you in a rude tone of voice rather than nitpicking at it and causing a fight.
Re-writing reality will cause you to go crazy. Though it can be very hard at times, the best thing to do is to accept the fact that what’s happened has happened and you can’t change the past. Rather than continuously thinking about all the things you could have done differently to improve the situation or avoid an argument, think of this relationship as a learning experience. You now know more about yourself and what sets you off. Now you can go find a guy who won’t make you upset in the way that your previous boyfriend did.
It’s not (only) your fault
There will be no sugar coating here. Yes, you are at fault. But the breakup isn’t entirely your fault. It takes two people to be in a relationship and you need to think about how the other person contributed or didn’t contribute to it as well. So don’t beat yourself up. Anybody – not just you – whose needs aren’t being met, is bound to start acting more possessive or jealous than they normally would. As a result, they will be convinced that this behaviour drove the other person away.
But you are who you are and it’s not wrong to have expectations from your significant other. If he doesn’t care about you enough to meet them, don’t waste your time with him. There are plenty of fish in the sea!
Don’t expect to be perfect
Nobody’s perfect, not even you. The biggest mistake anyone can make during a relationship is to change him or herself completely for the benefit of the other person. This will eventually cause you to be unhappy with the other person and with yourself because you are forcing yourself to suppress certain things about your personality.
We all make mistakes and a relationship is one channel through which people tend to make the most mistakes. You can’t put the blame for the downfall of your relationship just on the fact that he saw some flaws in you. It’s not your fault if he can’t accept you for who you are. Relationships shouldn’t be about how many mistakes you make or how perfect you can be. It should be about how you deal with these differences and learn to love each other in spite of imperfections.
Accept yourself
Learn to love yourself the way you are. If you tend to be a bit of nagger or you like things to be a certain way, don’t hate yourself for it. Embrace those qualities about you because someone out there thinks that a “take-charge” kind of girl is sexy.
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