How to Determine an Emotional Affair

Some people think men and women can’t be friends. Others believe that the connection between two people can be as innocent and wholesome as any friendship. Wherever you stand on the issue, if your gut is telling you that your partner’s friendship might be crossing some boundaries, assess the situation based on these signals of an emotional affair.

1. There are gifts involved
Giving gifts is a token of closeness. It’s not typical friend behaviour to give each other gifts on the regular. Even if your partner and his friend are doing nothing more than meeting for coffee or talking on the phone a few times per week, if your partner is having thinking of you gifts delivered, that’s an action that speaks louder than words.

2. There’s late night contact
When was the last time you called up one of your friends so you could swing by after the bar for a friendly chat? Friends don’t make it a priority to see each other on the late night, or stay up all night texting each other.

3. He does all he can to hide the calls and texts
Resist the urge to hijack your partners phone and scrutinize every text “ you don’t want to fight fire with fire. If your partner is acting extra secretive about phone habits, or goes out of their way to conceal texts or conversations from you, it’s a sign something’s up.

4. He goes out of his way to say the word friend
He wants to make it very clear, that this is his friend and nothing more. Describing them as friend, co-worker, friend of a friend “ all these descriptions are an attempt to make the relationship appear detached.

5. He doesn’t talk about it
If he does mention it, he’ll make excuses like it’s just a work relationship or she’s just a friend as opposed to boasting their good attributes, like friends usually do. You may hear him rant and rave about how much he loves your sister, or how much his best friends girlfriend makes him laugh, but you’ll never hear him say anything positive about his friend.

6. He gets aggressive when asked about it
A lot of people, (especially men) react to feeling vulnerable with aggressiveness. Striking that sensitive nerve may catch them off guard, and they may struggle to find words to react. Reacting with anger can be a way of trying to distance himself from the conversation, letting you know that he doesn’t want to deal with the issue at all. If he truly had nothing to hide, his reaction wouldn’t be so extreme.

If any of these hit close to home, take the high road and talk to your partner about it. After all, he might not even be aware he’s engaging in emotional infidelity and all these cues could be examples of him trying to prove something to himself. For this reason, attacking your partner isn’t going to get you anywhere. Discuss, without anger or accusing, his behaviour.


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Tags: breakups, emotional affair, Relationships, secret texting

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