When it comes to the guy we’re dating, we tend to see a great relationship between mother and son as a pro. It all comes back to that one theory: how a man treats his mom is how he’ll treat you. So, if your boyfriend acts like the woman who gave him life is a queen, you can expect the royal treatment, right? Maybe. Or, you may have landed yourself that guy who never really let go of the umbilical cord: the mama’s boy. While you may think this not so coveted type would be as obvious as a MOM tattoo, it turns out they don’t always wear their mother fandom on their sleeves. You may not even know that you’re dating one until you overhear him on the phone to good old mom, chatting away about YOUR sex life. So how do you handle being the #2 woman in his life, and when is this a complete dealbreaker? Read on.
Determine the Damage
Once your guy’s let his mom-bffing behaviour slip, you need to figure out what kind of mama’s boy you’re dealing with:
–The Good Son: If he’s close with his mom, but their relationship seems pretty normal, you probably don’t have anything to worry about and can just enjoy the benefits of a caring, respectful boyfriend. Even if he calls her every day, it’s the quality of the talk that matters (as in, there’s definite boundaries). Your guy adores his mom, sends her flowers on Mother’s Day and never forgets her birthday. This is a scenario where you can expect much of the same from him when it comes to you. You’re dealing with a guy who was raised to love women, and knows how to show it.
–The Bad, & The Downright Ugly: It’s only when things start veering into weird that the whole thing gets iffy. Does he call her about five hundred times a day, keeping her updated on every tiny aspect of his life (including the personal, intimate details of your relationship)? Is he is the man-child who still brings his laundry to mom and expects her to buy his underwear? He might be the type that needs her stamp of approval on every decision. Or, he could just be the kind that won’t stop comparing you to his mom, like how your cooking is subpar, and how you should get your hair cut like hers (creepy!). If you’ve witnessed any of the above, keep reading.
What You Can Do
First of all, don’t criticize him (or worse, call him a mama’s boy). His relationship with his mother is a big part of his life, and will go on whether you’re in the picture or not. The key here is subtlety. If he visits his mom a lot, suggest that you’d like to tag along, or go ahead and make plans for the three of you. With you there, it will help throw off their whole mother-son dynamic and will give you a little more control over the situation. If he’s pushing thirty and still doesn’t know how to do a load of laundry, or cook his own dinner, try to find a fun way to teach him (get creative). If he can’t seem to make one decision on his own, try pumping up his ego. Let him know that he can confide in you, and show him that you trust his judgment by returning the favour. Lastly, be honest with him about what makes you uncomfortable (like when he tells his mom EVERYTHING, or compares you to her). By setting boundaries, you may help him realize just how damaging his behaviour is and how to change it.
When To Cut Your Losses
If your mama’s boy is bent on never fully leaving the nest, and you’re the only one making an effort, it’s time to move on. Sometimes a guy is so bound to his mother, nothing, not even his love for you, stands a chance. If you’ve made your feelings known, have patiently tried to help him become independent, and still nothing is working, you’re best off ending it. Not everyone is cut out to date a mama’s boy, and sometimes no one should”especially when it feels like you might as well be dating his mom!