Doormats are for wet shoes. So why are so many women turning themselves into proverbial floor mats when it comes to their relationships? Time for him to stomp his boots out somewhere else. Here are four signs that you are letting your guy walk all over you and what you can do about it.
You’re always listening
You know the name of his jerk coworker who’s always making wisecracks at the office. You know who he’s voting for in the upcoming election, where he ate lunch the day before yesterday and how long it took for the bill to finally arrive. But does your guy know any of these things about you? Not a chance.
There’s nothing wrong with providing an ear, but take it too far and you’ll throw off the balance of your relationship. Start paying attention to your contribution to conversations. Don’t let your guy dominate the talk time. Tell him about your day, offer advice on his, or start by just asking questions. The more you toss in, the more your relationship will seem like an equal partnership
You never say no
Yes, you’d like to see that terrible Vince Vaughn movie again. Yes, you can pick him up from the airport, even though you’ll have to leave work early. Yes, he can ditch your plans to hit the bar with his buds, and yes, you’ll still be up for sex after.
Sound like you? (It’s ok; you don’t have to say it out loud.) Stop being a doormat by learning how to say no. While it may be difficult at first, try to buy yourself some time by saying I’ll think about it. Come up with a way to say no that you’re comfortable with. I’d rather eat at another restaurant, or Let’s pick a movie we’ll both enjoy. The word becomes less scary the more you become acquainted with it.
You make life changes
Do you see your girlfriends less because your guy demands your time? Do you spend holidays with his family more often than your own? Have you changed the way you dress so he won’t get jealous when you go out? These are dangerous adaptations that should be nipped right in the bud. There’s nothing wrong with accommodation as long as you meet each other half way. Evaluate the changes you’ve made recently in your life. Are you changing for him or for you? Are they changes for the better? Will you stick with them even if the two of you split? Make sure any changes you make will make both of you (and not just him) happy.
You never get seem angry
That purple vein in your neck is extremely unbecoming. Not even the best cover-up can mask that passive aggression. Still, you insist on swallowing your anger every time you get upset. Not only is this tendency unhealthy, but it can be detrimental to your relationship.
You don’t want to rock the boat. Fine. But your relationship will go nowhere if you don’t start getting real. Try planning out what you want to say ahead of time. That way, if you get miffed every time he’s late to meet you, you’ll know exactly what you want to say the next time it happens, without risking blowing your top. Ditch the I’m fine, also. He probably doesn’t believe it anyway.
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