Dating: The Rules of Omission

It’s one thing to be an open book, but it’s quite another to read your old diaries aloud on a third date. We all know that honesty is the best policy, but sometimes what you don’t say is just as important as what you do. Below, a definitive list of what is certifiably okay to keep from the man in your life.

Your Guilty Jams
Look, you are a modern woman. If you want to listen to Bob Seger or the soundtrack to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 every once in a while, that’s your business. There’s no shame in your game, but if you know that your dude isn’t going to understand how it’s possible for you to own over 50 Britney Spears tracks (answer: she has a lot of under-appreciated deep tracks), then he doesn’t need unfettered access to your mp3 player.

Your Secret Panties
You know exactly what I’m talking about. Maybe it’s a pair of full-butt-coverage, high-waisted Hanes Her Way briefs that your mother bought you in bulk back in 2007. Maybe it’s a threadbare thong that was sexy around the same time it was okay to wear flared jeans with pointy-toe heels. Whatever they are, you wear them to yoga, to bed and when you’re 99% sure nobody else on this Earth is going to see you naked, and that’s okay. It’s not all Hanky Panky and La Perla, but that’s your little secret.

What You’re Really Doing In The Bathroom
He doesn’t know why it takes 45 minutes for you to come out of the bathroom, but he probably thinks it has something to do with the late-night gyro you had to have after the bar closed. Joke’s on him, because what you’re really doing is examining your face for fine lines, plucking stray eyebrow hairs one by one, trying on six shades of lipstick, staring at your butt in the mirror or practicing your smile angles for the next time your friend tries to take candid photos for Facebook.

 Your Chick Lit Collection
Nicholas Sparks, The Twilight Series, Jodi Picoult. Consider them the Holy Trinity of Chick Lit. Also consider them complete conversation killers for any man you will ever date. No matter how much he may love you, he’s never going to care why Bella should have chosen Jacob. Also filed within this category: your encyclopedic knowledge of Slice reality shows, which are best saved for trivia night.

Your Exes
At this point in life, you probably have an ex-boyfriend or seven. It’s universally understood that we all come with baggage of varying sizes, but this doesn’t mean that your new boyfriend or even your fiancé© wants to carefully unpack the qualities and shortcomings of every man you’ve kissed on the mouth. Value the life lessons that come with every relationship, but don’t turn them into a lecture for your new guy.

Your Paycheck
You work hard for the money. That is, unless you’re lazy, in which case you perhaps work at a low to moderate rate for the money, which isn’t as catchy. Until he’s ready to put a ring on it and combine finances, keep your net worth to yourself.

Your Creepy Side
Take a look around your apartment. Is there a stuffed animal collection? A series of framed cat photographs? A stack of your old yearbooks bookmarked to the pages where you were photographed at your youngest and prettiest? A Post-it note listing reasons why no man will ever live up to your father? An internet history that reveals you have googled him and every one of his ex-girlfriends and that you are constantly searching for a way to get rid of your armpit fat?

Step 1: take a deep breath

Step 2: hide it all immediately and forget it ever happened

Sympatico Image

r-_dating_150_x_150.jpg

Tags: 3rd date, bad boyfriends, cohabitation, date, diaries, ex boyfriend, first date, lies, white lies

Related Posts

Previous Post Next Post

Comments

  1. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Favorite line: “Step 2: hide it all immediately and forget it ever happened”
    Nora, you’re hilarious!
  2. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    this is the funniest article – really really enjoyed this one
  3. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Good points! I think boundaries are generally under-appreciated. Another secret that’s smart to keep is past crushes…that info seems to rear it’s ugly head at really inopportune times.
  4. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Favorite line: “Step 2: hide it all immediately and forget it ever happened”
    Nora, you’re hilarious!
  5. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    this is the funniest article – really really enjoyed this one
  6. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Good points! I think boundaries are generally under-appreciated. Another secret that’s smart to keep is past crushes…that info seems to rear it’s ugly head at really inopportune times.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.